Most people go through doubts after a breakup. Whether you were dumped, or you were the one who ended the relationship, you’re bound to ricochet between wanting your boyfriend back, and deciding you never want to set eyes on him again. But if your doubts start getting the upper hand, then you might start thinking seriously about whether to give the relationship another try. So what are the signs you should think about getting back together with your ex?
The trick is to weigh up what was good and successful in your relationship against the things that made it go wrong. All relationships go through bad or rocky patches, but that doesn’t always mean you needed to break up. And relationships are never black and white. When you’ve gained enough distance to get a realistic perspective, you’ll find you are seeing the future more clearly.
Perhaps your relationship can be saved. So here are the signs you should think about getting back together with your ex.
1. Your Problems Can Be Solved
If this is the case, then that’s great. There’s no reason not to go for it. Except – why didn’t you do this while you were still together?
All couples have problems. In a good relationship you should be able to discuss, and hopefully solve, your problems without ending up estranged. Maybe this was a real biggie, which temporarily seemed insoluble. And now you’ve found a way through. But you can’t go through life breaking up whenever something difficult happens. Unless this was an exception; and you usually manage to work things out between you amicably: in which case, you should definitely go for it.
But if this kind of thing is par for the course, then maybe this isn’t the relationship for you.
Just something to think about.
2. Your Ex Changed – But You Felt Threatened By It
Did your ex change in ways you disliked, or resented – or even feared?
If you are the kind of person who finds it difficult to accept change, then you could be holding your relationship back, or even stifling it. Relationships need to be flexible enough to develop naturally, as the two people involved grow and change throughout their lives. As your priorities and interests change, you may have to change the way you interact with each other.
A certain amount of change is good, as it means growth and variety. This will keep your relationship vibrant and healthy; so you should embrace it, rather than resenting or fearing it. Try to stay open to change, so that you can grow together rather than apart.
Embracing change is not just essential in relationships; it’s a vital part of life. So if you think you can learn to handle it, then perhaps you should think about getting back together with your ex.
3. The Grass Wasn’t Greener After All
When a relationship gets stale, people often start fantasizing over the fun they would be having now, if only they were single. Then, when they get the chance to try it, they’re quickly disillusioned. The grass which looked so green turned out to be full of weeds, while the grass you left behind is looking lush and beautiful.
What you have to remember is that all relationships go through rocky patches. You have to be prepared to weather the storms, as well as enjoying the good times. Don’t be the kind of person who gives up when the going gets tough. Sticking with it through the rough times can make your relationship deeper and stronger. It builds trust with your partner, and reinforces the bond between you
Learning to forgive is an essential part of love. By giving up on your boyfriend you may be missing out on the chance to build a deeper connection with him.
4. You Want to Get Something Positive Out of Your Mistakes
There are bound to be things in your relationship that you look back on with regret, and wish you had done differently. Your ex will almost certainly be having similar regrets, even though he may also be angry and disappointed in you. It takes two people to make a successful relationship; and when things go wrong, there are usually faults on both sides too.
Now you’ve had a break from each other, you can see more clearly where you went wrong. And now, you believe that your relationship could be saved. You want use the insights you have gained from this to help you create a better relationship with your boyfriend.
You feel older and wiser. If he feels the same, then perhaps you should think about getting back together again.
5. You Had a (Mostly) Great Relationship, So It’s Worth a Second Chance
Do you really believe that your ex was The One? Finding the right person is never easy, and if you are fundamentally compatible and your relationship was mostly happy, then it’s worth trying to see if your problems could be resolved.
If the goodwill is still there, then there is a good chance that you can still work things out between you. You have created a history together; a history that can be the rock on which a happy future is built. As long as both you and your ex still hold those memories, they can be cherished, and they can motivate you to think about getting back together again.
6. Time Has Passed, But You Are More, Not Less, Miserable Without Each Other
This isn’t an excuse for making no effort at all to rebuild your life.
You’re bound to be miserable after a breakup, but by using your time apart to make a new single life for yourself, you should find things gradually becoming easier. After a few weeks or months, you should start to feel happy again, at least for some of the time. It might only be briefly at first, but you can see that a new life is possible.
But what if the pain just isn’t getting any better? Can you still see a future for you and your ex? Do you both want the same things from life? Could you realistically be happy together again, sharing your lives without bitterness or reproach?
If so, and if your boyfriend feels the same, then perhaps you should think about getting back together again.
7. Time Heals All Wounds
You’ve used your time apart positively and made a good life for yourself as a single woman. And one result of that has been to put the past into a different perspective.
Maybe all you really needed was some time apart to do some soul searching. Or perhaps it’s given you a chance to grow and learn more about yourself, and what you really want. And now you’re sure that what you want is your ex.
You had plans for the future and you still believe in them. You’re not prepared to let your dreams go without a fight. You don’t want to look back with regret and wonder “If only…” So perhaps you should think about getting back together again.
When You Should Think About Getting Back Together With Your Ex
It’s important not to be too quick to start looking for reasons you should think about getting back together with your ex. You must leave enough time to allow yourself to see your relationship in some sort of realistic perspective.
Certainly if you’re still telling yourself you can’t live without him, then you are still far too upset and emotional to make such a decision. After all, you know that’s not true. You are not physically joined at the hip, and it won’t actually kill you to be without him.
But you need to be able to admit it to yourself first.
Remember that fighting to get your ex back is not the easy option. But if it is truly what you want, then you may save yourself a lifetime of regret if you go out there and give it your best shot. As long as you try your best, you will have done what you can. And you won’t have to look back one day and wish you had not given up so easily.