Oh, those common relationship problems!
You’ve gone through the madness of infatuation to the comfort of familiarity – but you haven’t emerged on the other side to the warmth of friendship and the bonds created by shared experiences.
Instead you’ve ended up in the monotony of habit, or worse, the desert of estrangement.
You no longer look forward to seeing him.
You feel no excited anticipation at the knowledge that, any moment now; he will walk through that door.
He no longer surprises you with anything he says. In fact, a lot of the time you’re beginning to get seriously on each other’s nerves.
Relax, and take a deep breath.
All couples get to this stage eventually; and this the time when the smart ones begin to understand what people meant when they said that relationships need work to survive. Common relationship problems do have solutions, and this is the time when you need to start finding them.
Romantic love really doesn’t last for ever, and no-one lives happily ever after.
People aren’t perfect; and a lot of the routine of daily life is mundane, monotonous and, if truth be told, pretty boring. But remember, you have a relationship with someone who once put butterflies in your stomach and made you dream all day of seeing him tonight.
And that relationship is still precious.
Just because it’s got a bit ragged around the edges isn’t a reason to decide that it was all an illusion, and he’s not Mr Right after all.
There are lots of ways you can pep up your life together and recreate the sexual tension between you, and they can be effective at any time in your relationship. So try out these effective solutions to common relationship problems before you start thinking about chucking in the towel.
1. Get Out Of That Rut
It’s easy to get stuck in a rut, but when it comes to relationships; habit = boredom.
If you are doing the same things on the same day every week, week after week, it’s no wonder life is beginning to seem a little dull. It’s only too easy to get into a routine that gets the essential things done; but it’s bad for your relationship. And without variety, even the most exciting things will eventually become tedious.
Everyone needs stimulation if life isn’t to get intolerably dreary, and stimulation means variety. If you keep eating the same food, meeting the same people and going to the same places, then you are in a rut; and you need to get out of it.
Think of the law of diminishing returns. The first time is always unique, the second great, the third good, the fourth OK…so build some more first times into your life and you will soon feel the benefit.
Revamp Your Appearance
This is something you can both enjoy doing. Pick out some outfits that you think would look great on your boyfriend, and get him to do the same for you. You’ll even find him taking an interest in the dreaded shopping expedition, if you give him free rein to come up with whatever he thinks you’d look good in – especially if you don’t exclude the lingerie shop!
Try changing your hair too. It doesn’t have to be anything drastic: you could just enhance the color with some highlights, or try adding some warmth or depth to it if you have dark hair. There’s nothing like a really satisfying visit to the hairdresser to make you feel more glamorous – and feminine.
When you look good, you feel good, and this shows in your attitude and your confidence. This is a great vibe to be giving your boyfriend.
Try Something New
As well as brushing up your look, you can reinvigorate your mind and brain. Try doing something that will astonish your friends and make them say ‘I had no idea you were interested in that!’
Read a new book, join a class or see a new play; but make it a new experience. Choose something that is outside your normal range of interests, and give it a real chance to grab you.
The more people get into a rut, the more they tend to close their minds to the new, the unusual and the diverse. Opening your mind to new challenges will open up your life to new experiences.
Make a point of doing something completely different. It won’t always turn out to be something you enjoy, but keep giving it a go. Once in a while you’ll find you’ve opened up a whole new world for yourself.
Have Some Adventures Together
Introduce some adrenalin to your life. Men love action and adventure, and sharing these experiences will not only spice up your life, but will also build a stronger bond between you.
Anything with an element of danger or risk offers a challenge, and taking up challenges builds strong connections.
Spend a weekend rock climbing, paragliding, white water rafting, bungee jumping or doing anything else that sends a shiver down your spine. You’ll be creating powerful bonds and vivid memories together.
If you’re just not the active type, then try exploring a new culture that involves taking part in new and different things. When you are in an unfamiliar environment, you are more aware and receptive to what is going on around you.
This will make you feel that you are living your life, rather than just existing day by day.
2. Remember You’re a Team
When you have common relationship problems or issues together, remember that you’re on the same side. That means that you’re looking for solutions, not victories.
Disagreeing about something means that you have different points of view.
It doesn’t mean that you’re right and he’s wrong, or vice versa. You don’t have to convert your boyfriend to your point of view, or you to his. It means that you have to find a solution to these common relationship problems that both of you can live with.
The quickest way to kill a relationship is to turn yourselves into winners and losers.
In time an imbalance of power emerges in which the victory always goes to the same partner. The winner starts to feel contemptuous of the loser; the loser resentful of the winner. The more someone wins, the harder it becomes to back down.
A strong and secure person doesn’t need to assert herself by putting other people down. Try to understand your boyfriend’s viewpoint, and expect him to do the same for you.
At these times ‘we’ is more important than ‘me’.
3. Understand His Love Language – And Use It
People communicate and receive love in different ways.
Many women like to communicate in words, whereas men are more likely to express themselves through actions.
Whatever a man says; if his actions contradict it, then his actions are what you should believe. Sometimes men say things because they feel it is expected of them; but if they are not sincere, then their actions won’t back those words up.
A man also places a lot of weight on how you demonstrate you love for him.
That is one of the reasons why sex is so important to him: he feels loved by a woman who wants to make love to him. It’s also why a man often want sex after a quarrel – for him it really does make things better in a way that no words ever can.
It’s important to understand each other’s love language, so that you “hear” mutual expressions of love.
You also need to know how to show your love to each other in ways that are most meaningful to you.
Not understanding each other’s love language can quickly lead to disappointment, bitterness and estrangement which drive deep divisions between couples.
If you are having any of these common relationship problems; if you can’t communicate easily or the happiness and pleasure of being together is beginning to fade, then try using these tips to spice up your love life and bring you closer together.
Remember that the best things don’t come without effort, and a great relationship adds so much joy to your life that the reward will be worth making that effort. When you give to someone, they will want to give back to you.
Most common relationship problems do have solutions; so use these tips to reinvigorate your love life and bring you and your boyfriend closer together again.