Did you know that flirting with your ex is a great way to get him back? Flirting is one of the BEST ways to rekindle the attraction between you and get him thinking about you positively again.

But with an ex boyfriend it’s important to make things new and different. You don’t want to remind him of the bad old days. So flirting is a great technique for getting back under his skin. But flirting with your ex boyfriend is a subtle art; there are different rules and techniques for flirting with someone you already know well.

It was easy to keep some mystery when you were first getting to know each other, but now you need to recreate some of those old thrills so you must refine your flirting skills. Flirting builds attraction, and that’s what you need to get your ex back.

Remember those first few weeks together when you couldn’t stop thinking about him and wondering if he was feeling the same? This is the attraction and excitement you need to get back, and flirting is one of the best ways to get your ex thinking about you romantically again.

Learn the Art of Flirting with Your Ex Boyfriend

Creating mystery is essential.

Intimacy is the enemy of mystery. And if you made the mistake of chasing your boyfriend after the breakup then flirting will help to undo the negative impression you’ve created and make him see you in a new and different light. Remember though that you need to practice no contact first so that you are in in the right place for getting him back.

You want him to see the new you. So you have to believe in the new you.

Remember what you are saying about yourself when you flirt.

how to flirt with your ex

I am cool

I am confident

I am attractive

I am sexy

Now that he’s an ex you need to make some subtle changes in the way you flirt with him. You are having fun and showing off your allure, not trying to tell him that you are attracted to him. So flirting with your ex boyfriend means using different rules, and you need to get it right to have the best chance of turning things around and winning him back.

Keep it subtle

You want him to be uncertain whether you are actually flirting with him at all. The more he wonders, the more he will think about you – positively. He should be thinking ‘Is she really flirting with me?’, not ‘Wow, she sounds desperate. Looks like ending it was the right thing’.

Don’t talk about your relationship

Concentrate on the present or the future and avoid talking about the past. This is not the time for that. Especially avoid anything negative about your relationship – you don’t want to remind him about any of the bad things.

Avoid contacting your boyfriend when you are feeling low or over-emotional

Now is not the time for spontaneity, although you want to sound carefree to him. Never drunk dial or text him as you will immediately undo all the good you have done.

Don’t use jealousy as a weapon

It might backfire. If you want to date someone else, then be prepared for your ex to think you have moved on so that he turns his back on you completely. For more about this, visit this page.

Be noncommittal when you talk about your ex

Don’t criticize or rubbish him but don’t tell everybody how much you are still in love with him either. Keep your comments friendly but neutral.

Be patient and expect things to take time

Don’t suggest a date the moment your boyfriend is speaking to you again. Stick to casual meetings and general socializing while you rebuild trust and attraction. This will give you the perfect scope for subtle flirting!

When you do see your ex, remember that less is more

Keep conversations brief and upbeat. Make it clear you are filling your life with new, fun activities but don’t go into details. You want him to wonder and think about you.

Be friendly and fun, but avoid heavy topics

Don’t get sentimental or emotional about the past (or the future).  Your aim is to attract and intrigue your ex, not overwhelm him with passionate avowals of your feelings.

Focus on the future

Talk about the things you want to do now that you have the time and freedom. Make the breakup look as if it has turned out well for you, rather than destroying your life.

Keep your mutual friends, but don’t confide in them

If they ask questions, smile and change the subject. Get them intrigued too.

Listen to what those mutual friends say

You might learn some useful things. But don’t probe. People are more likely to let things drop when they feel relaxed.

Talk about events or parties where you might see each other

This is a great way to have casual contact in situations where it is easy and natural to flirt. It is also an excellent sign if your boyfriend goes to places where he knows there is a chance of seeing you.

Follow up happy encounters with short, fun, flirty texts

Only send one, and don’t repeat it until your boyfriend replies. Don’t talk about your relationship or your feelings. For more about how to text your ex, visit this page.

Your aim is to create new and happy memories in your ex’s mind, and make him see the future as full of possibilities – possibilities of spending it with you.

So how do you make all this happen? What is flirting anyway?

How to Flirt With Your Ex and Build Attraction

Flirting is what you do naturally when you find someone attractive.

Eye Contact

how to flirt with a man

There is nothing sexier than looking deep into someone’s eyes. When you first met, you probably found yourselves unable to look away. But now you need to be less obvious. Look into his eyes, but don’t hold his gaze too long. Smile and look away.

Light touching

the art of subtle flirting

Let you fingers graze his forearm or his shoulder. Make it more of a tease than a caress, so that he’s not sure whether you’re doing it because you still want him or just because you feel so comfortable with him.

Compliment, Tease and Play

how to flirt with your ex

Men love to play. You can build a much stronger bond by playing with him than through an hour of conversation. Throw in the occasional compliment, then tease him about it. You want to create uncertainty alongside excitement.

Don’t talk too much

using flirting to get your ex back

Listen instead. Men love to feel they are being heard. And you will learn much more by listening.

Don’t try to hurry things. You will need patience and persistence. He needs to feel comfortable and relaxed around you before he will start thinking seriously about getting back together.

Keep Him Guessing By Keeping Your Flirting Subtle

Avoid making your motives too obvious.

You don’t want your boyfriend to think that you have moved on, but you don’t want him to be sure that you want him back either.

Paint pictures in words; pictures of fun things you’d like to do; things it would be fun to do together. But don’t suggest doing them together. Let him fill in that bit in his own mind.

It’s a cat-and-mouse game. The cats see the mouse; is convinced he can catch it, but never quite succeeds. So he goes on trying. He goes on trying because every time he thinks “THIS time, I’m going to win”.

He always has to feel he has a chance.

But don’t rush into intimacy.  Give things time to develop so that the excitement and anticipation have a chance to build between you.

You will know you have succeeded when your boyfriend starts seeking you out, calling or texting you and asking you for a date.

Those flirty exchanges can really get him thinking about you again, even if he’s reluctant to see you right now. But do you feel confident about striking exactly the right note?

You certainly don’t want to go OTT, so that your boyfriend sees straight through your attempts to fascinate him. So don’t go overboard and make sure you don’t lose your cool.

Remember YOU are the prize.

Not sure what to do next?

Find out how to get your ex back FAST with this free report!

This Post Has 60 Comments

  1. Lauren

    Hey Sara,

    My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago. We had only been together for 4 months but she had already starting talking about the future and we were getting pretty serious. She said she was not in an emotional state to be with anyone and she needed to work on herself and her mental health. Since then we have remained friends and have talked everyday, she will FaceTime we a few times a week, I rarely call her though. She said that if we both work on ourselves there’s a chance we could get back together but she can’t guarantee anything. I’m still in love with her and she knows how I feel about her. We still hang out occasionally as well. I’m not sure what to do but I’m just feeling super lost. Thank you!!

    1. Sarah

      ‘There’s a chance [you] could get back together but she can’t guarantee anything’. Don’t let her string you along.

  2. Lauren

    My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago. We had only been dating for 4 months but we got pretty serious pretty fast, talking about the future (all started by her). When she broke up with me she said she felt herself falling back into her old codependent issues as she has just come out of inpatient treatment for mental health issues about 4 months before we met. She said she felt like she couldn’t be with anyone right now because she needs to work on herself. She admits she still has feelings for me and says that if we both show growth there’s a chance we could get back together. We have remained friends and we talk everyday, she’s usually the one to FaceTime me a few times a week and normally I’d move on but I just feel like what we had was different. Any tips on how to give her the time she needs but also keep the possibility of us getting back together on her mind?

    1. Sarah

      If she’s keeping in touch then you don’t have a problem about staying on her mind. But you say she expects both of you to ‘show growth’. She’s the one with the growth problem; what’s supposed to be wrong with you?

  3. Michelle S.

    My ex and I dated a few months. Everything seemed fine. Then out of the blue we broke up but remained friends. He said he wants to stay single and care for his elderly parents. Parts of me feels like he ended things because he’s afraid of commitment. He’s never really dated before me as girls didn’t give him a chance after they find out some info but stuck it out with him from day 1. We have talked about the future before we broke up. We have said if we’re meant to be together it will be. We plan to hang out as good friends and celebrate each other’s birthdays when time comes. I feel like he’s a little hot and cold.

    1. Sarah

      Keep in touch but remember you’re not in a relationship with him. You’re free to date other people.

  4. Linneth

    Hi my ex broke up with me saying he doesn’t have time for a relationship with time and everything. I begged and didn’t respond. I did no contact and called him his response was neutral what next please. I am getting impatient

    1. Sarah

      ‘I am getting impatient’. Oh dear. How terrible you are not getting what you want, when you want it.

  5. kyla

    Hey Sarah, so my boyfriend broke up with me weeks ago(we’ve been together for almost 3 years..). He said he wants time for himself, and he’s not ready yet for a relationship but he said I can wait for him and it’s not impossible we can be together again. Is he just guilty for it? is there really a chance we can be together again? or im just hoping it will?

    1. Sarah

      Well, he’s been in a relationship – with you – for over 2 years so perhaps what he really means is that he doesn’t feel ready to move the relationship on to the next level (you can find out more about that here). Yes, it’s possible that you will meet again one day and decide that you were meant to be together, but it’s equally possible that you won’t.

      Meanwhile your ex wants to experience life and there’s nothing unreasonable about that, especially if you are both still young – except it’s not what you want. But your best course would be to wish him well and walk away with your head held high. That is easy to say but it will be very, very hard to do. But it’s the best option you have.

      And you must build a new life of your own. Don’t put your life and your future on hold on the off chance that one day you might get back together. And yes, he might be suggesting that you could be together again one day out of guilt, which is all the more reason why you shouldn’t wait for him to come back, but move on.

    2. Paige

      Hey Kyla- I would give him his space like he asked. Dont initiate messages with him, be slow to respond back if he does,& enjoy time with your friends. It’s hard not to want to text them like crazy, especially at night… Dont do it. Slowly build up the conversation after some time of no contact once he is initiating things. Make him chase you a bit

      1. Sarah

        If you want to flip his feelings then this will show you the way.

  6. Sheera

    Hey , I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago but he wanna remain friends and he also said “in the future after time changes us a little maybe we’ll draw back to each other” and “I don’t mind try again after some time” . But after a broke up , he never initiate the conversation first and be the one who end it. I wanna move on but since he give me that kind of hope, I keep waiting day by day . So may i know, Is he really mean what he said or it’s just to less he’s guilty ?

    1. Sarah

      Could be either. Only time will tell.

  7. Sheera

    Hey , me and my boyfriend broke up 2 months ago and he just wanna remain friends . He also said “in the future after time changes us a little maybe we’ll draw back to each other” & “I wouldn’t mind try again after some time” . Is he really meant it or he just saying that to made he felt more guilty …

    1. Sheera

      less guilty*

  8. Lexie

    So basically, I was with this guy for a long time. He was the best boyfriend ever. After quite a few months he broke up with me. There really was no reason why. To this day, I’m still trying to get him back.

    Any advice?

    1. Sarah

      There was a reason but obviously he wasn’t willing to explain. That’s not a very admirable thing to do, and you might try this article for further help. But the most likely reason he didn’t say is because he thought it would be kinder not to. But it won’t be easy to get him back without knowing why he left.

  9. Angie

    Hi…my boyfriend and I broke up like a month ago…he told me that he needs time in order to fix himself… We have been talking and I’m always texting him…I want him back and I’ve decided to no contact…his birthday is coming up next month so I wonder if it would be the right day to meet up with him after the no contact…

    1. Sarah

      There is no ‘right day’ to meet up: it depends on the circumstances. If you are ‘always texting him’ then you need to stop, and you should definitely NOT text him on his birthday. It’s such a lame excuse, and he’ll know you’ve just been waiting for this opportunity to restart your texting.

      He’s said he needs space so give him space. Give him all the space you can. Don’t contact him. Make him wonder if you’ve forgotten him, moved on, will never contact him again. This will take time: and the time won’t even start until after his birthday. When he doesn’t hear from you (which he will absolutely expect) he will experience the first doubt. Keep it up. Let him go on doubting. Eventually he will be forced to take some action if he wants you back. And if he doesn’t, then you should move on.

      You don’t say how long you were together. The longer it was, the more likely it is that he will eventually make some move towards you.

  10. Stacy

    Me and my boyfriend of a couple months just broke up recently he said the relationship wasn’t the same anymore but I still wanna get back with him any way u know how I can do that? I’ve still been texting with and flirting a little but idk if I should ignore him so he can want me more

    1. Sarah

      When a relationship ends after only 2 months, it usually means that it was the wrong relationship. Start moving on; if he changes his mind he knows your number.

  11. Karen Mukonda

    I met a boy in highschool about 6yrs ago and we became very goodfriends when I found out that he actually liked me more than just a friend, I got attracted to him,but then I went to a boarding school elsewhere and so did he.When we graduated from high school we went back to the same town where we met and he conferenced his feelings for me. I told him I felt the same way about him but then wasn’t ready to date.He then started ignoring me,, sometimes we would just pass each other without greeting, when I told him about starting a relationship he said he got over everything and didn’t have feelings for me anymore.A few months later we started being friends and now we’re still friends but I still have feelings for him 😥 should I tell him or not?,,though he told me he’s in a relationship that am not really sure about

    1. Sarah

      You say you weren’t attracted to him until you knew he was attracted to you. That sounds like someone who is grateful when a boy shows interested in her. It doesn’t sound like a genuine spark. And this was 6 years ago, and you’re still in two minds about him – remember, when he showed interest again, you didn’t want to date.

      Do you have confidence problems? If so you should try to work on them so that you have the self-belief to choose for yourself.

  12. Ann

    Hello, I cheated on my boyfriend which he found out about it and break up with me. After I apologized of course I acted needy, he accepted me back and he made love to me more than we ever did. He text me later when I went back to my house that he can’t do it any longer,I believe he is still hurt about it and we break up again . Since then our relationship have been on and off. I was in NO CONTACT when he asked me to come over to his place. We stayed to make love. He always ask me if I want the sex anytime he is arouse the last time a said no he couldn’t stop. Last week he sent me text on WhatsApp tell me that he is not my boyfriend any longer that we are just friends and if am looking for another boyfriend,that we ain’t together again. It hurt me though cause before I travel we were kul,he said he love me and we had sex. Some days ago he told me it will be kul if we separated,it hurt me cause am down with guilt and regret and anytime I heal a little he call me back making me feel that we are together again so I accept the breakup and now he asked me what limit do I want our friendship to be. I told him I will think about it though cause it will be hard and will hurt me. I asked him his opinion but he insist to hear from me first. I really love him and I know being friends will hurt me . Please what should I do cause I don’t know if I can keep the friendship thing I really love him and can’t bear seeing him acting as friend with me . We are still texting and calling each other.

    1. Sarah

      Stop just having sex with him. Ask him if he is prepared to forgive you and try again. At the moment he is punishing you and you are submitting to it. Either you sort that out, or you break up.

      But why did you cheat? That’s something you need to sort out, because it’s not something any man can easily overlook. Maybe this relationship cannot be saved, and that will be more your fault that his. This is your main problem, because you can’t sustain any relationship for long until you take some responsibility for your own actions. Saying sorry isn’t enough, because unless you can give him an honest explanation of the reasons for your behavior, why should he believe it won’t happen again?

  13. Nia

    Hi Sarah!
    So i have been with this guys since last 7 months, we had physical intimacy and are very very close to each other emotionally too. But he wouldn’t put a label on the relation which made me upset and after lots of fights back and forth finally he broke up with me. We are still in touch, he says we are friends and always will be friends, initially i didnt accept to it but offlate i have started to accepting that okay, we will be friends but i still will have the same feelings in my heart for him. We text everyday normal stuff nothing special. Please help what should i do to get him back? i know we are very much compatible. we understand each other really well. How should i break this just friends thought from his mind

    1. Sarah

      Stop being his friend. Stop texting him about ‘everyday normal stuff’. That’s what friends do. And as you say, you don’t want to be his friend.

  14. David

    My boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago after being together for 3 years, since then he’s moved back with his parents and I’m in my own place. He told me he still wants me in his life but just wants to be friends. We hang out at least once a week and he seems to still really care for me, do I have a shot to win his attraction again?

    1. Sarah

      Why are you still hanging out with him? He might still want you in his life, but what do you want? Do you want just to be his friend?

      Either you can accept what he’s willing to give, or you can make it clear that it’s not enough for you. The choice is yours.

  15. brianna

    my boyfriend (of a little over a year) and i broke up this past week- to be honest i initiated it because i knew neither of us were happy due to stress, trust issues, and life. during the conversation we both mutually agreed that at this time we need to end the relationship, he agreed he needs to grow up more and stated “who knows what will happen in the future”. we both cried and hugged and he was completely sobbing at the fact that we had to end something with someone who we both cared about deeply.

    after the conversation we decided to remain friends, still hang out on occasion- kind of “play it by ear” to see how the friendship goes. he said today that he worries his presence makes me sad and that he wanted to know if he should back off. of course i insisted no, that i just needed time and eventually it would hurt less.

    long story short i am completely in love with this man, i can envision myself marrying him one day. however, during the break up he said at this point of time he was scared of commitment and couldn’t visualize the same thing; thus our breakup.

    my question is, how can i, as a friend, 1.) not fall into the friend zone or even worse… the pity zone and 2.) get him to want to start over.. i want him back, i want him to see there is potential here. how can i do this? how can i get back the man that wants to be friends but im so in love with…

    p.s. he is usually the first to initiate hanging out or texting, i refrain from reaching out first

    1. Sarah

      First, I wonder how old he is? He sounds quite young, and perhaps a little immature; but he also sounds as if he is aware that he still has some growing up to do, and that is a credit to him.

      When someone continues in a relationship even though they’re not sure it’s where they want to be, it doesn’t usually end well. And men can feel uncomfortable if they are not at a point in their life where they feel ready to commit. It’ something that women struggle to understand, as they are far more willing to make space for a relationship when they meet the right man (go here to find out more about this).

      Being friends with a man you love and want as a boyfriend is fraught with pitfalls. I have just published a new article about that, which you can find here. But you seem to have genuine feelings for each other, so I can understand why you don’t want to lose him completely.

      If you want to remain in touch with him, you will have to be very strong. Are you? Maybe you will end up together, but his calling and texting is not any guarantee of that, so don’t attach too much importance to it. The article I pointed you to above will explain some of the possible reasons why he does it; and why, from your point of view, it could end up backfiring.

      1. Karen

        I started seeing this man I recently reconnected with (we worked together 17 years ago) and dated seriously for about a month before he broke up with me this past Monday.

        He had introduced me to friends, courted me like the perfect gentleman and told his daughter we were dating. He is very insecure from past relationships and told me on the first date he felt I would dump him and that he has faults.

        He dumped me Monday afternoon which left me very upset! I still stuck to my routine and went to my Palates class and put that energy into my workout. On the way home I decided to change my Facebook picture to make myself feel better.

        Overall it is one of the best selfies I’ve ever taken of myself. I posted it, and went on to make some food because I was hungry after my workout. While eating I decided to see who liked and commented and low and behold he liked my pic with a heart around the same time I posted the pic.

        I’m going to assume he got notifications that I changed my pic. Normally he would just use the regular like button for my pics but this time he used the heart, why especially since he broke up with me?!

        My girlfriend seems to think it has a lot to do with the fact that during the 17 years I’ve made progress in my life both physically and educational wise (I’m 41 but look early 20’s from what I get told). He’s 49 and a single father of three kids with full custody of one.

        We also live five mins from each other so there will be a big chance he will see me while driving by or at the local pharmacy. There is no contact at the moment other than him hearting my pic. I do like him very much and can look past him not being the success he mentions of former classmates.

        What advice do you have for me please and thanks!

        1. Sarah

          It sounds as he’s blowing hot and cold. That might be because he sounds a bit insecure and possibly afraid of getting hurt, or because he’s not sure how he feels about you, or because he feels things have been moving too fast and he’s got cold feet.

          You sound as if you’re inclined to become serious very early on in a relationship. You’ve dated this man for just a month, and yet you describe it as “seriously”. It takes much longer than a month to start dating seriously, no matter how attracted you are to each other. Lighten up, and give relationships time to develop at a slower pace.

  16. Karen

    Hey there!

    My boyfriend split up with me two weeks ago saying he didn’t love me anymore and I was completely distraught even though new it was because I have too much and he gave too little therefore attraction was lost.

    Ever since I’ve been acting like I’m completely fine with it because ‘im Becoming a better me’… which is true to an extent but I have been acting like I am way happier than I am, which to me feels inauthentic.

    My issue at the moment is that before we split up we bought tickets to go to an event together and we spoke about it and he agreed to go with me because he wants to remain friends. I feel like I’ve been trying to quickly reinvent myself before I see him to let him see a new me.

    I have no clue how to act during it because it’s going to only three weeks since the split and I’ve been trying to lightly keep in contact so it’s not awkward on the day but I fear that it’s coming off desperate because I’ll always message him first and get a limited reply. I was going to do ‘no contact’ but I thought that could wait until after this event.

    He’s so head strong in his decisions I just don’t know how to approach him having attraction to me again if I don’t talk to him. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated

    1. Sarah

      It would have been better to have refrained from contact completely once he agreed to keep this date with you.

      You see, it’s bound to be awkward, but if you hadn’t contacted him once you had his agreement to come, then at least part of the awkwardness would have been his. But now, it’s going to be almost entirely yours.

      Do you really have to go to this event? In the circumstances, the most violent shock you could give him would be suddenly to change your mind.

      The problem is that you have already lost all possibility of creating tension during this event. You have made it quite obvious how much you want to attend it – with him. So he will be attending it with the intent to keep his distance. It’s too late to change the dynamic between you now, and so the only way you can do it quickly is to fail to show up.

      It’s far from ideal, but at least you will get an idea whether you stand a chance of getting him back.

      If he bothers to ask you what happened, then he’s still interested in you. If he doesn’t, then you have a marathon task ahead of you to regain his interest. Make sure it’s really worth it before you take the plunge.

  17. Kaylee Smith

    Hi Sarah!
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. His family has always been overbearing, but tolerable because I love him. He joined his fathers company and began traveling, his parents also became very toxic in his work relationship as well as his personal life. I did not handle this toxicity well, as I stopped doing certain things that made us who we are. We did begin to fight more than usual, but our emotions and logic were still in touch when external factors were not involved. He came home from work one night and told me that he needed to find himself and that once he was happy he did not know if this is what he wants.. He left and moved back in with his parents, and I recently (the day after our break up actually) found out that it was influenced by his parents. Do I have a chance of getting back with him? We are very young, both 22, and yes it has been a long time – is there any way he will come back?

    1. Sarah

      It is normal and necessary for a man to distance himself from the authority of his parents in order to become independent and mature. Your boyfriend seems to have the type of parents who go out of their way to make this very difficult for him. This is not that unusual a situation, but it can be very damaging for the child. Parents are naturally much stronger in every way than a small child, and when they are also exceptionally overbearing they inhibit and often damage the child’s ability to resist, even when that child is theoretically grown up – because acquiescence has become a habit.

      How does your boyfriend view his parents? Does he ever resist their influence, or does he always acquiesce?

      Right now he seems to be in retrograde with his life, since you say he has moved back in with them. That suggests that they now have the upper hand with him, especially with regards to you. Is this what they wanted? What has been their attitude towards you over the last 7 years? Have they been at all friendly, or resolutely hostile?

      In the end it’s up to your boyfriend how much he is willing to subject himself to his parents’ wishes. You can’t force him to grow up, or even to want to. But what about you?

      You say you have been with this man since you were both 15. Haven’t you ever wanted to broaden your social and emotional horizons beyond this one person who, by your own admission, has never offered you a truly great relationship?

      Maybe he will come back, but why do you want him to? You can do so much better than this. You are young, free, and there’s a whole world out there with millions of great men in it. Please, go out and discover it.

  18. Joanne

    My bf and I broke up just less than a month ago because he was having issues with his mental state and wanted to be alone. But since then, we have been in contact everyday (even if it’s just a FB tag) and he always initiates – even just sending a funny video to make me smile! We work together and though I try to keep distance he insists we hug start/end of shift (which we did as a couple) and always touches me and flirts with me and puts his hat and jacket on me… He says in the best part of his shifts and gave me a gift last week too. With all of this in mind, I am trying no contact respectfully (so I reply to his messages after over 6/7 hours and I am never last to message). He thought I was out in a storm yesterday too and messages 3 times and phoned twice (he hates phoning people) within 20 minutes to see if I was alright. But then he won’t ask me out or talk for long periods unless I actively converse. I’m just confused….

    1. Sarah

      Maybe he’s just being a classical dog-in-the-manger – he doesn’t want to commit to you, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. But in the end, it’s up to you to set the boundaries. If he has problems he needs to sort out, then he should be working on them now. While that happens, you can decide to wait for him, or you can decide that the relationship is over, at least temporarily, and you are now single. He is welcome to contact you again if/when he’s sorted himself out, but you’re not going to wait for him.

      The fact that he still cares for you is not surprising, but it’s actually irrelevant here. What matters is whether he still wants to be in a relationship with you, and commit to you. At the moment, it seems he doesn’t. What you don’t seem to see is that YOU have options here. You can wait. Or you can move on. You must decide, and then act upon it.

  19. Jhazmin

    My boyfriend broke up with me after 1 year and 5 months together. We were so close, we saw each other everyday, had sex everyday, just December we spent fighting and arguing a lot over every little thing and he broke up with me on Christmas eve. I begged and pleaded, cried so bad, I begged him to not end our relationship. He blocked my calls, but I got him to remain friends with me and unblock my number. We agreed to meet up twice but he cancelled,I didn’t make a big deal about it. I texted him and acted as a friend. I asked him if he was free this Friday night and he said yes, we agreed to go to an arcade. I think most likely he’ll cancel but if he doesn’t how should I dress or act when we hang out Friday night. I want to get back with him but he is a very prideful guy so if he has feelings he will definitely rather eat them them profess them. What should I do? I want him back but also the pain of our breakup and my misery has been fading away, I feel better now, but I do want to get back with him and definitely work on things.

    1. Sarah

      If the pain of your breakup has really been fading, then that’s great. Give it some more time, and you should be over it. And then you’ll be able to look back on your relationship and see whether it really is worth resurrecting.

      You don’t say how old you are, but I suspect you are young. So maybe things have simply run their course. That would be quite normal and natural, and possibly why you suddenly started fighting all the time. Get some distance. You don’t need to sort everything out in a single evening. Try spending some time without him, and see how much you really miss him. It might not be as much as you think.

  20. Sandra

    The guy I was seeing broke up with me a week ago, saying that he needed to learn his lesson about not having relationships at work. We work together all the time, and last night was the first night of us working back together since he broke it off. And he’s still flirting. Does this mean there is still a chance?

    1. Sarah

      It means he enjoys the boost to his ego. Sorry to be so brutal, but he seems to want to have his cake and eat it too. Stop flirting with him. Stop giving him the approval he wants. He broke up with you. So treat him that way.

  21. Jane

    So I just r cently broke up 3 weeks ago, but after one week i found out that i am a month pregnant. I really don’t know what to do as Me and him are still in college together. I talked to him and we decided to do an abortion. This situation has made me attached to him a lot, because you know “i’ve been pregnant with his baby”. I really wanted to get back with him after i’ve done my abortion, but i don’t know how.

    1. Sarah

      I understand your feelings of attachment, but it’s in the nature of things that your boyfriend probably doesn’t share them. And those feelings alone don’t mean that this is the right relationship for you. Give yourself some time to recover without putting pressure on your boyfriend, or on yourself either. Try to move forward from this, and in time things will become clearer.

  22. Morgan

    Okay so I ended our one month relationship because I felt we would never see each other since we both play sports and go to different schools. I see him sometimes and I regret leaving him because he’s literally one of a kind and not like others in this generation. I also ended it because I didn’t feel ready for a relationship but I sometimes think he’s flirting with me an decently WE started texting more again. Please help I’m unsure what to do.

    1. Sarah

      You are still at school. You are not looking to settle down, or for The One, or even for a long term relationship.

      You are just beginning to learn about life, and about relationships. If you enjoy this boy’s company, then why shouldn’t you go on enjoying it? You don’t have to see each other a set number of times a week. You can simply enjoy each other’s company when you DO see each other.

      Please stop trying to make things heavy and difficult. They aren’t, or at least, they shouldn’t be. You are many years away from thinking about forever. Enjoy the present. It sounds as if it could be great.

  23. shruti palta

    my bf want breakup bcz i lied too much about my x bf bcz i don’t want to feel him jealous and he was saying his trust was broken n he want breakup bt i luv him a lot and i don’t want to live without him and he also luv me but he was trying to ignoring me what i can do for being again in happy relationship.

    1. Sarah

      Have you tried no contact?

  24. gracie

    id need some outside advice too please .. :-(..

    we broke up..7 months ago? And we still cant let each other go.. hes sleeping with some other chick as it seems..

    we still have so many friends we “share”.. his Family cant let me go.. and he said the whole Thing upsets him a lot still..and he still fights with his decision.

    … i dunno why he doesnt wanna give us another Chance..
    (his best friends said im the kinda Girl u marry and have a Family with..and he seemed i deserve that but thinkgs he wasnt ready for it)

    i dunno what to do.. we hear each other still A LOT (not kidding)..(he doesnt like it when i cut the Connection and me neither when he does)

    its crazy.. any ideas? :(..

    1. Sarah

      Hi Gracie,

      I have just published a post which might help you understand your boyfriend’s confusion a bit better. I’m not saying this entirely explains his behavior (as I don’t know enough about your relationship), but it sounds as if it might be relevant.

  25. Daisy

    Can you please help me

    1. Sarah

      You need to calm down. You are very young, and this is probably your first experience of this kind of emotional trauma. Despite how it looks to you, this is a very common situation and a very common reaction. You will surprise him most if you don’t over-react. Try to let your feelings flow over you, instead of allowing them to rule you. Your feelings are quite normal, but no matter how strong they are, they are temporary. You won’t feel like this forever.

  26. Daisy

    Okay..i am lost what to do i miss him we broke up yesterday and we have school and we are all in the same classes and everything so..and i want him back but i don’t want to go too fast..it all complicated ..it ened cause.. family issues

    1. juwon

      me too i feel so lost he says that he cant do it anymore ive been trying to convince him to give the idea of us one more time now he is thinking which is stupid its a yes or no question

  27. Ann

    Hey I just wanted your help . I have split up from my long distance ex boyfriend for 6 months and we have been on and off talk and. I am meeting up with few friends next weekend and he is going to be there and I have not see him in 5 month , I am really nerves to see him . I really would like to get him back i did tell him before Christmas how I felt and he said if thing were different so I was wondering if you can help me to get him back by subtly flirting The only problem is I don’t really know how to flit . Please can you help.

    1. Sarah

      Try not to show him that you feel nervous! I know that’s hard, but remember that he will probably be nervous too, so let that thought give you confidence. You need to keep a balance between letting him know you’re glad to see him without overwhelming him with your enthusiasm. Telling him outright how you feel though is not a good idea – keep it subtle rather than obvious.

      1. Erin

        Hey Sarah me and my boyfriend broke a couple of weeks ago he has been lieing to people about how and why it ended and I’m not happy so I talk to him about it and he just flipped and i still like him and people say he still likes me and I want him back but I lied to him twice and he doesn’t believe me anymore my stupid fault and he lied to me a couple of time, I just don’t know if we are a good match and if I should try to get him back. Plz help

        1. Sarah

          You both sound too immature for a serious relationship. Try backing off for long enough to get things into a better perspective. A healthy relationship can never be built on lies.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.