What’s the most frightening thing about doing No Contact? Not knowing. Not knowing where your ex is, what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling, what he’s doing, whether he’s thinking of YOU. It’s the main reason why women find the No Contact Rule so hard to implement, and why so many of them fail to stick to it. If only you knew. If only you knew how men react to the No Contact Rule, maybe, just maybe, you’d be able to follow it through.

But why is it so hard to do? (For a full explanation of all the great things the No Contact Rule can do for you, please visit this page.)

Well, here are some typical excuses.

I missed him too much

I couldn’t stop thinking about him

I was afraid he’d think I didn’t care any more

I was afraid he’d forget me

I was afraid he’d find someone else

There are two things to learn from this. First, what women really can’t bear is not knowing how men react to the No Contact Rule. And second, that consequently they do the only thing they can: assume that their ex will react just as they would.


He’s a man. He doesn’t think like you, and he doesn’t react like you either. So what you really need is a guide to how men react to the No Contact Rule.

What Controls How Men React to the No Contact Rule

Of course, there are variables here. And these variables will control how men react to the No Contact Rule. The most important of these variables is your relationship, how good and happy it was before the breakup. The second is the breakup. (Surprise! I bet you thought it would be the other way around!)

The truth is that if you had a great relationship before your break up, then your ex won’t have forgotten it overnight (which is what a lot of women fear). No, he’s not a fool (you wouldn’t date a fool, would you?) and he knows whether or not he was on to a good thing.

But if your relationship had been going downhill for a long time before the breakup, then your ex’s attitude to it – and to you – will be far more negative.

So that’s one variable, the one which is particular to your relationship. But there’s another variable, which in the end is more powerful than any experience he had with you.

So what is it?

It’s the kind of guy HE really is.

You see, in a crisis, a person’s real character always comes out. So how your boyfriend behaves now will give you some great insights into the man he really is.

Of course, you think you already know him – better than anyone. But people can surprise you, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll discover he’s not the man you thought he was. And that’s because how men react to the No Contact Rule can be very unpredictable.

The Guy Who Panics

This man is suffering badly from YOUR problem, but in reverse. He doesn’t know what you’re thinking. And it’s making him freak out.

how men react to the No Contact Rule

Whatever happens, I know I’M going to end up f****d!!!

The guy who panics usually reacts in one of two ways. Maybe he wants to contact you, but he’s too scared to do it. He might be the kind of guy who isn’t very confident with women; or maybe you dumped him, and he’s feeling bruised. The thing is; he will be too afraid of messing up or being rejected all over again to risk it.

This doesn’t mean you should cut No Contact out of your campaign to get him back. No, there’s plenty of good reasons why you still need to do it (go here to find out more about that). And anyway, contacting him too soon could change the balance of power completely, and not in your favor.

But there’s another kind of guy who panics. This guy lets you know all about it because he goes crazy, and bombards you with calls, texts and emails.

This guy is a bit more confident that the last one, so it’s going to be a few days or even a couple of weeks before he calls you. If you’ve been using The Ex Boyfriend Guide as your mentor, you’ll have answered him, ended the call after a few minutes, and said you’re too busy to meet up at the moment.

Next time he calls, you don’t answer; and so he texts or emails (go here to find out more about what to do when a man contacts you during the No Contact period). Eventually he realizes that you’re not going to just slide back into his life as if nothing has happened, and so he starts to panic. He keeps up a cycle of calling and texting you, ignoring you for a few days, and then starting again. As time passes, the intervals get longer, but the effect is the more (not less) he wants to see you again.

The Cool Guy

The cool guy is much more confident than the guy who panics. He’s a catch, and he knows it, and he’s not going let you get to him if he can help it. So when he doesn’t hear from you, he pretends he doesn’t care (you can find out more about this man here).

how men react to the No Contact Rule

There’s plenty more fish in the sea, and I’m just going out to catch one

But most of all, he’s NOT going to be the one to call first. With this guy you really HAVE to follow the No Contact Rule right to the end, because this often becomes a contest of wills, and to the death.

However, you can change his mind. Find out how to do that in The Ex Boyfriend Guide.

The Nerd

Sometimes men just don’t catch on about No Contact. So you don’t call him? Well, why would you? After all, you’ve broken up!

how men react to the No Contact Rule

She must have lost her phone…

He might be nursing his broken heart, reading À la recherche du temps perdu in the original, playing Xbox or out buying the latest piece of tech. Whatever he’s been doing, he doesn’t think it’s odd that he hasn’t heard from you. It’s also quite possible he will call you at some point. With this guy, it’s best not to answer at all. It’s the only way he’ll ever catch on and do something proactive.

You still need to practice the No Contact Rule though, until you’ve sorted out your own head and got a grip on how you are going to rebuild your relationship.

The Crazy Guy

This guy has something in common with the guy who panics, only this man goes to extremes.

how men react to the No Contact Rule

I can’t believe this is happening to me!!!!!!

Whereas the guy who panics will gradually subside into silence (and probably sulks), this guy keeps on trying to reach you. The thing is that, at some point, a man (or woman) who is getting no response from the person they are pursuing should eventually desist. Beyond a certain point, he (or she) is turning into a stalker.

And that’s where you will have to draw the line. If your ex doesn’t know where the line is, you will have to draw it for him.

This is often an exercise in control. Some people have a deep-seated need to control everything in their life, sometimes to an obsessive degree, and this includes the people in it. If this was an issue in your relationship, and maybe even led to the breakup, then perhaps this isn’t the man for you after all.

The Ogre

This is the cool guy’s angry brother.

how men react to the No Contact Rule

I’m NOT going to be the one who calls first

He’s particularly likely to pop up if YOU did something very bad or wrong when you were together. Maybe you cheated, or you let him down in some other way he found hard to forgive. When his anger is justifiable, he’s probably not going to be the one reaching out to you anytime soon.

In fact, his thoughts are going to be very negative.

I’ll never forgive her

I never want to see her again

Even if he secretly does want to see you, he will fight against it. He will resist the urge to contact you, and try to put you out of his mind. Remember, he feels deeply wronged. And it was you who wronged him.

She has to call me first

Whenever he feels himself weakening, he will tell himself that YOU should be the one to call first. You can get him to change his mind (you can find out how in The Ex Boyfriend Guide), but it will take time and patience.

One positive benefit you get from this type of guy is that he makes it really easy for you to follow the No Contact Rule. But once you have recovered to the point where you feel confident about seeing him again, you’ll have to contact him yourself. Find out how here.

How Men React to the No Contact Rule

You can see there’s quite a bit of overlap between these different types of ex boyfriend, and how men react to the No Contact Rule. Maybe your guy falls into more than one category, so you’ll have to play it by ear as you implement the No Contact Rule and make it work for you.

But don’t skip the No Contact step. It’s going to take time to rebuild your relationship, and it’s essential that you start the process by doing No Contact. At least now you know a bit more about how your ex will be reacting to it.

This Post Has 10 Comments

  1. Sandra

    i broke up with my ex after 3 months. we are both in our 20’s. our relationship was purely online as we lived so far away from each other. we planned on meeting as soon as it was possible. However in the last couple of weeks of the relationship we were fighting more often, but in my opinion the fights only brought us closer together, and I didnt feel they were negative outcomes only positive ones. However i found out that he was cheating on me (online) with another girl, so i broke it off with him, then immediately changed my mind because I really want to make things work. He tried to convince me it was nothing, and he didnt want to end our relationship. but he wouldnt admit to cheating. he seems to have trouble taking responsibilty for his mistakes. I told him i think we should take some to think and have a break from each other for a while. he contacted me after a few days. I was still upset. and we ended up fighting again. i broke it off with him again (but hoping he would fight for me harder). he accepted the break up. then i was upset because he was giving up on us so easily. I then told him i wanted to work through this with him and that we shouldnt give up on each other. he didnt give me a clear answer. he said that our relationship wouldnt be good anymore if we were unable to trust each other. i told him i would trust him again but i was angry. he responded with “ok so what now?”. But because i was angry at him for the way he was handling all this, I told him that since he already broke up with me, then that’s it. there’s nothing more.
    Now im not sure who actually broke up with who. and im not sure if either of us were even serious about breaking up in the first place, just threatening really. its been 1 week. neither of us have contacted each other. should i apply the 30 day nc rule? Im not happy with the way i handled any of it. I feel I may have also given too much of myself in the relationship. and maybe i lost my value.

    1. Sandra

      Also i should note too that he is angry at me because he thinks i catfished him and that how i found out about him cheating. it was actually my friend not me, and i didnt know she was doing it, but he doesnt believe me, and he is angry at me for this.

      1. Sarah

        Presumably he is only ‘cheating’ on you with another fantasy. Put you phone down and get back in touch with reality. You will be much happier.

    2. Sarah

      A relationship is something that exists between two people who are emotionally and physically close. Using the internet to make contact with new people whom you would otherwise not know is fine. But it needs to be done with the serious intention of meeting up in person soon afterwards. If that does not happen, then what you have is not a relationship but an unreal yet increasingly compelling fantasy. Keep your online interactions with men cool and friendly until you have had the chance to meet and find out whether you actually want to spend time together. And that don’t build romantic dreams around someone who you haven’t even met, whether it’s because they keep making excuses not to or because you are physically too far apart.

  2. Gloria

    Hi my ex boyfriend broke up with me one month ago. I am following the no contact rule for 60 days and 2 weeks remaining. I initially broke the no contact rule 3 days after the break up and I really ruined my chances after begging and pleading. He exchanged some nasty words and I can see he is angry with his posts and the sister told me that he never wants her to speak to me again. I can say he is the ogre type. How do I initiate the first contact in such a situation. Please help

    1. Sarah

      You say he broke up with you, why? His reasons are the starting point for trying to rebuild the relationship. If you did something to cause the breakup then you need to address this first.

  3. Gigi

    My ex and i were in a relationship for 4 months.We broke up because he wasn’t willing to make things official.Although we became friends soon after the breakup but one night we ended up sexting and upon asking him about the situation he just said it happened in the flow and he doesn’t want to drag me in it again.
    I ghosted him that night and have been doing no contact since.Its been 2 weeks.
    I still somewhere deep in my heart want him to contact me.I deleted him from my Instagram impulsively but he is not blocked anywhere.
    Whats should i do?

    1. Sarah

      Wait for him to contact you, and if he doesn’t, move on. You were only dating anyway, as you say it never became a relationship. Try not to deceive yourself like this in future, and don’t have sex with a man because you hope it will make him into your boyfriend. It won’t. Have sex with someone because you want to have sex with them, not because you hope for a particular outcome.

  4. Marie Connedai

    I’ve been doing no contact for several weeks but my ex hasn’t contacted me at all. I wouldn’t describe him as a cool guy, more of a nice guy with a bit of nerd really. Does that mean he’s moved on? I’m becoming afraid to try contacting him now.

    1. Sarah

      There are many reasons why he may not have contacted you since the breakup, and yes. one of them is that he has decided to move on. If you are genuinely thinking of contacting him, go here to find out how to do it.

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