What’s the most frightening thing about doing No Contact? Not knowing. Not knowing where your ex is, what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling, what he’s doing, whether he’s thinking of YOU. It’s the main reason why women find the No Contact Rule so hard to implement, and why so many of them fail to stick to it. If only you knew. If only you knew how men react to the No Contact Rule, maybe, just maybe, you’d be able to follow it through.
But why is it so hard to do? (For a full explanation of all the great things the No Contact Rule can do for you, please visit this page.)
Well, here are some typical excuses.
I missed him too much
I couldn’t stop thinking about him
I was afraid he’d think I didn’t care any more
I was afraid he’d forget me
I was afraid he’d find someone else
There are two things to learn from this. First, what women really can’t bear is not knowing how men react to the No Contact Rule. And second, that consequently they do the only thing they can: assume that their ex will react just as they would.
He’s a man. He doesn’t think like you, and he doesn’t react like you either. So what you really need is a guide to how men react to the No Contact Rule.
What Controls How Men React to the No Contact Rule
Of course, there are variables here. And these variables will control how men react to the No Contact Rule. The most important of these variables is your relationship, how good and happy it was before the breakup. The second is the breakup. (Surprise! I bet you thought it would be the other way around!)
The truth is that if you had a great relationship before your break up, then your ex won’t have forgotten it overnight (which is what a lot of women fear). No, he’s not a fool (you wouldn’t date a fool, would you?) and he knows whether or not he was on to a good thing.
But if your relationship had been going downhill for a long time before the breakup, then your ex’s attitude to it – and to you – will be far more negative.
So that’s one variable, the one which is particular to your relationship. But there’s another variable, which in the end is more powerful than any experience he had with you.
So what is it?
It’s the kind of guy HE really is.
You see, in a crisis, a person’s real character always comes out. So how your boyfriend behaves now will give you some great insights into the man he really is.
Of course, you think you already know him – better than anyone. But people can surprise you, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll discover he’s not the man you thought he was. And that’s because how men react to the No Contact Rule can be very unpredictable.
The Guy Who Panics
This man is suffering badly from YOUR problem, but in reverse. He doesn’t know what you’re thinking. And it’s making him freak out.
Whatever happens, I know I’M going to end up f****d!!!
The guy who panics usually reacts in one of two ways. Maybe he wants to contact you, but he’s too scared to do it. He might be the kind of guy who isn’t very confident with women; or maybe you dumped him, and he’s feeling bruised. The thing is; he will be too afraid of messing up or being rejected all over again to risk it.
This doesn’t mean you should cut No Contact out of your campaign to get him back. No, there’s plenty of good reasons why you still need to do it (go here to find out more about that). And anyway, contacting him too soon could change the balance of power completely, and not in your favor.
But there’s another kind of guy who panics. This guy lets you know all about it because he goes crazy, and bombards you with calls, texts and emails.
This guy is a bit more confident that the last one, so it’s going to be a few days or even a couple of weeks before he calls you. If you’ve been using The Ex Boyfriend Guide as your mentor, you’ll have answered him, ended the call after a few minutes, and said you’re too busy to meet up at the moment.
Next time he calls, you don’t answer; and so he texts or emails (go here to find out more about what to do when a man contacts you during the No Contact period). Eventually he realizes that you’re not going to just slide back into his life as if nothing has happened, and so he starts to panic. He keeps up a cycle of calling and texting you, ignoring you for a few days, and then starting again. As time passes, the intervals get longer, but the effect is the more (not less) he wants to see you again.
The Cool Guy
The cool guy is much more confident than the guy who panics. He’s a catch, and he knows it, and he’s not going let you get to him if he can help it. So when he doesn’t hear from you, he pretends he doesn’t care (you can find out more about this man here).
There’s plenty more fish in the sea, and I’m just going out to catch one
But most of all, he’s NOT going to be the one to call first. With this guy you really HAVE to follow the No Contact Rule right to the end, because this often becomes a contest of wills, and to the death.
However, you can change his mind. Find out how to do that in The Ex Boyfriend Guide.
Sometimes men just don’t catch on about No Contact. So you don’t call him? Well, why would you? After all, you’ve broken up!
She must have lost her phone…
He might be nursing his broken heart, reading À la recherche du temps perdu in the original, playing Xbox or out buying the latest piece of tech. Whatever he’s been doing, he doesn’t think it’s odd that he hasn’t heard from you. It’s also quite possible he will call you at some point. With this guy, it’s best not to answer at all. It’s the only way he’ll ever catch on and do something proactive.
You still need to practice the No Contact Rule though, until you’ve sorted out your own head and got a grip on how you are going to rebuild your relationship.
The Crazy Guy
This guy has something in common with the guy who panics, only this man goes to extremes.
I can’t believe this is happening to me!!!!!!
Whereas the guy who panics will gradually subside into silence (and probably sulks), this guy keeps on trying to reach you. The thing is that, at some point, a man (or woman) who is getting no response from the person they are pursuing should eventually desist. Beyond a certain point, he (or she) is turning into a stalker.
And that’s where you will have to draw the line. If your ex doesn’t know where the line is, you will have to draw it for him.
This is often an exercise in control. Some people have a deep-seated need to control everything in their life, sometimes to an obsessive degree, and this includes the people in it. If this was an issue in your relationship, and maybe even led to the breakup, then perhaps this isn’t the man for you after all.
This is the cool guy’s angry brother.
I’m NOT going to be the one who calls first
He’s particularly likely to pop up if YOU did something very bad or wrong when you were together. Maybe you cheated, or you let him down in some other way he found hard to forgive. When his anger is justifiable, he’s probably not going to be the one reaching out to you anytime soon.
In fact, his thoughts are going to be very negative.
I’ll never forgive her
I never want to see her again
Even if he secretly does want to see you, he will fight against it. He will resist the urge to contact you, and try to put you out of his mind. Remember, he feels deeply wronged. And it was you who wronged him.
She has to call me first
Whenever he feels himself weakening, he will tell himself that YOU should be the one to call first. You can get him to change his mind (you can find out how in The Ex Boyfriend Guide), but it will take time and patience.
One positive benefit you get from this type of guy is that he makes it really easy for you to follow the No Contact Rule. But once you have recovered to the point where you feel confident about seeing him again, you’ll have to contact him yourself. Find out how here.
How Men React to the No Contact Rule
You can see there’s quite a bit of overlap between these different types of ex boyfriend, and how men react to the No Contact Rule. Maybe your guy falls into more than one category, so you’ll have to play it by ear as you implement the No Contact Rule and make it work for you.
But don’t skip the No Contact step. It’s going to take time to rebuild your relationship, and it’s essential that you start the process by doing No Contact. At least now you know a bit more about how your ex will be reacting to it.