How to Flirt With Your Ex Boyfriend – Can It Help You to Get Him Back?

How to Flirt With Your Ex Boyfriend – Can It Help You to Get Him Back?

If you’ve ever wondered whether flirting with your ex is a good idea, the answer is definitely YES!

You want to rekindle the attraction between you, to get him thinking about you positively again. But with an ex boyfriend, it’s important to make things new and different. You don’t want to remind him the bad old days.

So when you are seeing your ex again, flirting is a great technique for getting back under his skin. But how to flirt with your ex boyfriend is a subtle art; there are different rules and techniques for flirting with someone you already know well.

It was easy to keep some mystery when you were first getting to know each other, but now when you need to recreate that you must refine your flirting skills.

Flirting builds attraction, and that’s what you need to recreate in order to get your ex boyfriend back. Remember those first few weeks together when you couldn’t stop thinking about him and wondering if he was feeling the same?

This is the attraction and excitement you need to get back, and flirting is one of the best ways to get your ex thinking about you romantically again.

The Art of How to Flirt with Your Ex Boyfriend

Creating mystery is essential.

This is one of the things that has been lost through your intimacy, especially if you have been pursuing your boyfriend actively since the break up. Flirting with him will help to undo the negative impression you have been giving, and make him see you in a new and different light.

should you flirt with your ex

You want him to see the new you. So you have to believe in the new you.

Remember what you are saying about yourself when you flirt.

star 10 I am cool

star 10 I am confident

star 10 I am attractive

star 10 I am sexy

To be effective though, you need to make some subtle changes in the way you flirt with him. You are having fun and showing off your allure, not trying to tell him that you are attracted to him.

So flirting with your ex boyfriend means using different rules, and you need to get it right to have the best chance of turning things around and winning him back.

  • Keep it subtle, especially at first. You want him to be uncertain whether you are actually flirting with him at all. The more he wonders, the more he will think about you – positively.
  • Don’t talk about your relationship. Especially avoid anything negative from the past – you don’t want to remind him about any of the bad things.
  • Avoid contacting your boyfriend when you are feeling low or over-emotional. Especially avoid all drunk dialling and texting as you will immediately undo all the good you have done.
  • Don’t use jealousy as a weapon, as it is liable to backfire. If you want to date someone else, then be prepared for your ex to think you have moved on so that he turns his back on you completely. For more about this, visit this page.
  • Be noncommittal when you talk about your ex. Don’t rubbish him but don’t tell everybody how much you are still in love with him either. Keep your comments friendly but neutral.
  • Be patient and expect things to take time. Don’t ask your boyfriend out on a date the moment he is speaking to you again. Stick to casual meetings and general socializing while you rebuild trust and attraction. This will give you the perfect scope for subtle flirting!
  • When you do see your ex, remember that less is more. Keep conversations brief and upbeat. Make it clear you are filling your life with new, fun activities but don’t go into details. You want him to wonder and think about you.
  • Be friendly and fun, but avoid heavy topics. Especially don’t be sentimental or emotional with your boyfriend, as your aim is to attract and intrigue him, not overwhelm him with passionate avowals of your feelings.
  • Focus on the future. Talk about the things you want to do now that you have the time and freedom. Make the breakup look as if it has turned out well for you, rather than destroying your life.
  • Keep your mutual friends, but don’t confide in them. If they ask questions, smile and change the subject. Get them intrigued too.
  • Listen to what those mutual friends say. You might learn some useful things. But don’t probe. People are more likely to let things drop when they feel relaxed.
  • Follow up happy encounters with short, fun, flirty texts. Only send one, and don’t repeat it until your boyfriend replies. Don’t talk about your relationship or your feelings. For more about how to text your ex, visit this page.

Your aim is to create new and happy memories in your ex’s mind, and make him see the future as full of possibilities – possibilities of spending it with you.

So how do you make all this happen? What is flirting anyway?

How to Flirt With Your Ex and Build Attraction

Flirting is what you do naturally when you find someone attractive.

Eye Contact

how to flirt with a man

There is nothing sexier than looking deep into someone’s eyes. When you first met, you probably found yourselves unable to look away. But now you need to be less obvious. Look into his eyes, but don’t hold his gaze too long. Smile and look away.

Light touching

the art of subtle flirting

Let you fingers graze his forearm or his shoulder. Make it more of a tease than a caress, so that he’s not sure whether you’re doing it because you still want him or just because you feel so comfortable with him.

Compliment, Tease and Play

how to flirt with your ex

Men love to play. You can build a much stronger bond by playing with him that through a barrage of conversation. Throw in the occasional compliment, then tease him about it. You want to create uncertainty alongside excitement.

Don’t talk too much

using flirting to get your ex back

Listen instead. Men love to feel they are being heard. And you will learn much more by listening.

Don’t try to hurry things. You will need patience and persistence. He needs to feel comfortable and relaxed around you before he will start thinking seriously about getting back together.

How to Flirt With Your Ex – Keep Him Guessing

Avoid making your motives too obvious.

You don’t want your boyfriend to think that you have moved on, but you don’t want him to be sure that you want him back either.

Paint pictures in words; pictures of fun things you’d like to do; things it would be fun to do together. But don’t suggest doing them together. Let him fill in that bit in his own mind.

It’s a cat-and-mouse game. The cats see the mouse; is convinced he can catch it, but never quite succeeds. So he goes on trying. He goes on trying because every time he thinks “THIS time, I’m going to win”.

He always has to feel he has a chance.

But don’t rush into intimacy.  Give things time to develop so that the excitement and anticipation have a chance to build between you.

You will know you have succeeded when your boyfriend starts seeking you out, calling or texting you and asking you for a date.

Those flirty exchanges can really get him thinking about you again, even if he’s reluctant to see you right now. But do you feel confident about striking exactly the right note?

You certainly don’t want to go OTT, so that your boyfriend sees straight through your attempts to fascinate him. So make sure you don’t lose your cool with the help of The Ex Boyfriend Guide. Find out all about it by clicking the link below.

book dreams-compressed

 

30 Responses to How to Flirt With Your Ex Boyfriend – Can It Help You to Get Him Back?

  1. my boyfriend (of a little over a year) and i broke up this past week- to be honest i initiated it because i knew neither of us were happy due to stress, trust issues, and life. during the conversation we both mutually agreed that at this time we need to end the relationship, he agreed he needs to grow up more and stated “who knows what will happen in the future”. we both cried and hugged and he was completely sobbing at the fact that we had to end something with someone who we both cared about deeply.

    after the conversation we decided to remain friends, still hang out on occasion- kind of “play it by ear” to see how the friendship goes. he said today that he worries his presence makes me sad and that he wanted to know if he should back off. of course i insisted no, that i just needed time and eventually it would hurt less.

    long story short i am completely in love with this man, i can envision myself marrying him one day. however, during the break up he said at this point of time he was scared of commitment and couldn’t visualize the same thing; thus our breakup.

    my question is, how can i, as a friend, 1.) not fall into the friend zone or even worse… the pity zone and 2.) get him to want to start over.. i want him back, i want him to see there is potential here. how can i do this? how can i get back the man that wants to be friends but im so in love with…

    p.s. he is usually the first to initiate hanging out or texting, i refrain from reaching out first

    • First, I wonder how old he is? He sounds quite young, and perhaps a little immature; but he also sounds as if he is aware that he still has some growing up to do, and that is a credit to him.

      When someone continues in a relationship even though they’re not sure it’s where they want to be, it doesn’t usually end well. And men can feel uncomfortable if they are not at a point in their life where they feel ready to commit. It’ something that women struggle to understand, as they are far more willing to make space for a relationship when they meet the right man (go here to find out more about this).

      Being friends with a man you love and want as a boyfriend is fraught with pitfalls. I have just published a new article about that, which you can find here. But you seem to have genuine feelings for each other, so I can understand why you don’t want to lose him completely.

      If you want to remain in touch with him, you will have to be very strong. Are you? Maybe you will end up together, but his calling and texting is not any guarantee of that, so don’t attach too much importance to it. The article I pointed you to above will explain some of the possible reasons why he does it; and why, from your point of view, it could end up backfiring.

      • Hello!
        I started seeing this man I recently reconnected with (we worked together 17 years ago) and dated seriously for about a month before he broke up with me this past Monday.

        He had introduced me to friends, courted me like the perfect gentleman and told his daughter we were dating. He is very insecure from past relationships and told me on the first date he felt I would dump him and that he has faults.

        He dumped me Monday afternoon which left me very upset! I still stuck to my routine and went to my Palates class and put that energy into my workout. On the way home I decided to change my Facebook picture to make myself feel better.

        Overall it is one of the best selfies I’ve ever taken of myself. I posted it, and went on to make some food because I was hungry after my workout. While eating I decided to see who liked and commented and low and behold he liked my pic with a heart around the same time I posted the pic.

        I’m going to assume he got notifications that I changed my pic. Normally he would just use the regular like button for my pics but this time he used the heart, why especially since he broke up with me?!

        My girlfriend seems to think it has a lot to do with the fact that during the 17 years I’ve made progress in my life both physically and educational wise (I’m 41 but look early 20’s from what I get told). He’s 49 and a single father of three kids with full custody of one.

        We also live five mins from each other so there will be a big chance he will see me while driving by or at the local pharmacy. There is no contact at the moment other than him hearting my pic. I do like him very much and can look past him not being the success he mentions of former classmates.

        What advice do you have for me please and thanks!

        • It sounds as he’s blowing hot and cold. That might be because he sounds a bit insecure and possibly afraid of getting hurt, or because he’s not sure how he feels about you, or because he feels things have been moving too fast and he’s got cold feet.

          You sound as if you’re inclined to become serious very early on in a relationship. You’ve dated this man for just a month, and yet you describe it as “seriously”. It takes much longer than a month to start dating seriously, no matter how attracted you are to each other. Lighten up, and give relationships time to develop at a slower pace.

  2. Hey there!

    My boyfriend split up with me two weeks ago saying he didn’t love me anymore and I was completely distraught even though new it was because I have too much and he gave too little therefore attraction was lost.

    Ever since I’ve been acting like I’m completely fine with it because ‘im Becoming a better me’… which is true to an extent but I have been acting like I am way happier than I am, which to me feels inauthentic.

    My issue at the moment is that before we split up we bought tickets to go to an event together and we spoke about it and he agreed to go with me because he wants to remain friends. I feel like I’ve been trying to quickly reinvent myself before I see him to let him see a new me.

    I have no clue how to act during it because it’s going to only three weeks since the split and I’ve been trying to lightly keep in contact so it’s not awkward on the day but I fear that it’s coming off desperate because I’ll always message him first and get a limited reply. I was going to do ‘no contact’ but I thought that could wait until after this event.

    He’s so head strong in his decisions I just don’t know how to approach him having attraction to me again if I don’t talk to him. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated

    • It would have been better to have refrained from contact completely once he agreed to keep this date with you.

      You see, it’s bound to be awkward, but if you hadn’t contacted him once you had his agreement to come, then at least part of the awkwardness would have been his. But now, it’s going to be almost entirely yours.

      Do you really have to go to this event? In the circumstances, the most violent shock you could give him would be suddenly to change your mind.

      The problem is that you have already lost all possibility of creating tension during this event. You have made it quite obvious how much you want to attend it – with him. So he will be attending it with the intent to keep his distance. It’s too late to change the dynamic between you now, and so the only way you can do it quickly is to fail to show up.

      It’s far from ideal, but at least you will get an idea whether you stand a chance of getting him back.

      If he bothers to ask you what happened, then he’s still interested in you. If he doesn’t, then you have a marathon task ahead of you to regain his interest. Make sure it’s really worth it before you take the plunge.

  3. Hi Sarah!
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. His family has always been overbearing, but tolerable because I love him. He joined his fathers company and began traveling, his parents also became very toxic in his work relationship as well as his personal life. I did not handle this toxicity well, as I stopped doing certain things that made us who we are. We did begin to fight more than usual, but our emotions and logic were still in touch when external factors were not involved. He came home from work one night and told me that he needed to find himself and that once he was happy he did not know if this is what he wants.. He left and moved back in with his parents, and I recently (the day after our break up actually) found out that it was influenced by his parents. Do I have a chance of getting back with him? We are very young, both 22, and yes it has been a long time – is there any way he will come back?

    • It is normal and necessary for a man to distance himself from the authority of his parents in order to become independent and mature. Your boyfriend seems to have the type of parents who go out of their way to make this very difficult for him. This is not that unusual a situation, but it can be very damaging for the child. Parents are naturally much stronger in every way than a small child, and when they are also exceptionally overbearing they inhibit and often damage the child’s ability to resist, even when that child is theoretically grown up – because acquiescence has become a habit.

      How does your boyfriend view his parents? Does he ever resist their influence, or does he always acquiesce?

      Right now he seems to be in retrograde with his life, since you say he has moved back in with them. That suggests that they now have the upper hand with him, especially with regards to you. Is this what they wanted? What has been their attitude towards you over the last 7 years? Have they been at all friendly, or resolutely hostile?

      In the end it’s up to your boyfriend how much he is willing to subject himself to his parents’ wishes. You can’t force him to grow up, or even to want to. But what about you?

      You say you have been with this man since you were both 15. Haven’t you ever wanted to broaden your social and emotional horizons beyond this one person who, by your own admission, has never offered you a truly great relationship?

      Maybe he will come back, but why do you want him to? You can do so much better than this. You are young, free, and there’s a whole world out there with millions of great men in it. Please, go out and discover it.

  4. My bf and I broke up just less than a month ago because he was having issues with his mental state and wanted to be alone. But since then, we have been in contact everyday (even if it’s just a FB tag) and he always initiates – even just sending a funny video to make me smile! We work together and though I try to keep distance he insists we hug start/end of shift (which we did as a couple) and always touches me and flirts with me and puts his hat and jacket on me… He says in the best part of his shifts and gave me a gift last week too. With all of this in mind, I am trying no contact respectfully (so I reply to his messages after over 6/7 hours and I am never last to message). He thought I was out in a storm yesterday too and messages 3 times and phoned twice (he hates phoning people) within 20 minutes to see if I was alright. But then he won’t ask me out or talk for long periods unless I actively converse. I’m just confused….

    • Maybe he’s just being a classical dog-in-the-manger – he doesn’t want to commit to you, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. But in the end, it’s up to you to set the boundaries. If he has problems he needs to sort out, then he should be working on them now. While that happens, you can decide to wait for him, or you can decide that the relationship is over, at least temporarily, and you are now single. He is welcome to contact you again if/when he’s sorted himself out, but you’re not going to wait for him.

      The fact that he still cares for you is not surprising, but it’s actually irrelevant here. What matters is whether he still wants to be in a relationship with you, and commit to you. At the moment, it seems he doesn’t. What you don’t seem to see is that YOU have options here. You can wait. Or you can move on. You must decide, and then act upon it.

  5. My boyfriend broke up with me after 1 year and 5 months together. We were so close, we saw each other everyday, had sex everyday, just December we spent fighting and arguing a lot over every little thing and he broke up with me on Christmas eve. I begged and pleaded, cried so bad, I begged him to not end our relationship. He blocked my calls, but I got him to remain friends with me and unblock my number. We agreed to meet up twice but he cancelled,I didn’t make a big deal about it. I texted him and acted as a friend. I asked him if he was free this Friday night and he said yes, we agreed to go to an arcade. I think most likely he’ll cancel but if he doesn’t how should I dress or act when we hang out Friday night. I want to get back with him but he is a very prideful guy so if he has feelings he will definitely rather eat them them profess them. What should I do? I want him back but also the pain of our breakup and my misery has been fading away, I feel better now, but I do want to get back with him and definitely work on things.

    • If the pain of your breakup has really been fading, then that’s great. Give it some more time, and you should be over it. And then you’ll be able to look back on your relationship and see whether it really is worth resurrecting.

      You don’t say how old you are, but I suspect you are young. So maybe things have simply run their course. That would be quite normal and natural, and possibly why you suddenly started fighting all the time. Get some distance. You don’t need to sort everything out in a single evening. Try spending some time without him, and see how much you really miss him. It might not be as much as you think.

  6. The guy I was seeing broke up with me a week ago, saying that he needed to learn his lesson about not having relationships at work. We work together all the time, and last night was the first night of us working back together since he broke it off. And he’s still flirting. Does this mean there is still a chance?

    • It means he enjoys the boost to his ego. Sorry to be so brutal, but he seems to want to have his cake and eat it too. Stop flirting with him. Stop giving him the approval he wants. He broke up with you. So treat him that way.

  7. So I just r cently broke up 3 weeks ago, but after one week i found out that i am a month pregnant. I really don’t know what to do as Me and him are still in college together. I talked to him and we decided to do an abortion. This situation has made me attached to him a lot, because you know “i’ve been pregnant with his baby”. I really wanted to get back with him after i’ve done my abortion, but i don’t know how.

    • I understand your feelings of attachment, but it’s in the nature of things that your boyfriend probably doesn’t share them. And those feelings alone don’t mean that this is the right relationship for you. Give yourself some time to recover without putting pressure on your boyfriend, or on yourself either. Try to move forward from this, and in time things will become clearer.

  8. Okay so I ended our one month relationship because I felt we would never see each other since we both play sports and go to different schools. I see him sometimes and I regret leaving him because he’s literally one of a kind and not like others in this generation. I also ended it because I didn’t feel ready for a relationship but I sometimes think he’s flirting with me an decently WE started texting more again. Please help I’m unsure what to do.

    • You are still at school. You are not looking to settle down, or for The One, or even for a long term relationship.

      You are just beginning to learn about life, and about relationships. If you enjoy this boy’s company, then why shouldn’t you go on enjoying it? You don’t have to see each other a set number of times a week. You can simply enjoy each other’s company when you DO see each other.

      Please stop trying to make things heavy and difficult. They aren’t, or at least, they shouldn’t be. You are many years away from thinking about forever. Enjoy the present. It sounds as if it could be great.

  9. my bf want breakup bcz i lied too much about my x bf bcz i don’t want to feel him jealous and he was saying his trust was broken n he want breakup bt i luv him a lot and i don’t want to live without him and he also luv me but he was trying to ignoring me what i can do for being again in happy relationship.

  10. id need some outside advice too please .. :-(..

    we broke up..7 months ago? And we still cant let each other go.. hes sleeping with some other chick as it seems..

    we still have so many friends we “share”.. his Family cant let me go.. and he said the whole Thing upsets him a lot still..and he still fights with his decision.

    … i dunno why he doesnt wanna give us another Chance..
    (his best friends said im the kinda Girl u marry and have a Family with..and he seemed i deserve that but thinkgs he wasnt ready for it)

    i dunno what to do.. we hear each other still A LOT (not kidding)..(he doesnt like it when i cut the Connection and me neither when he does)

    its crazy.. any ideas? :(..

    • Hi Gracie,

      I have just published a post which might help you understand your boyfriend’s confusion a bit better. I’m not saying this entirely explains his behavior (as I don’t know enough about your relationship), but it sounds as if it might be relevant.

    • You need to calm down. You are very young, and this is probably your first experience of this kind of emotional trauma. Despite how it looks to you, this is a very common situation and a very common reaction. You will surprise him most if you don’t over-react. Try to let your feelings flow over you, instead of allowing them to rule you. Your feelings are quite normal, but no matter how strong they are, they are temporary. You won’t feel like this forever.

  11. Okay..i am lost what to do i miss him we broke up yesterday and we have school and we are all in the same classes and everything so..and i want him back but i don’t want to go too fast..it all complicated ..it ened cause.. family issues

  12. Hey I just wanted your help . I have split up from my long distance ex boyfriend for 6 months and we have been on and off talk and. I am meeting up with few friends next weekend and he is going to be there and I have not see him in 5 month , I am really nerves to see him . I really would like to get him back i did tell him before Christmas how I felt and he said if thing were different so I was wondering if you can help me to get him back by subtly flirting The only problem is I don’t really know how to flit . Please can you help.

    • Try not to show him that you feel nervous! I know that’s hard, but remember that he will probably be nervous too, so let that thought give you confidence. You need to keep a balance between letting him know you’re glad to see him without overwhelming him with your enthusiasm. Telling him outright how you feel though is not a good idea – keep it subtle rather than obvious.

      • Hey Sarah me and my boyfriend broke a couple of weeks ago he has been lieing to people about how and why it ended and I’m not happy so I talk to him about it and he just flipped and i still like him and people say he still likes me and I want him back but I lied to him twice and he doesn’t believe me anymore my stupid fault and he lied to me a couple of time, I just don’t know if we are a good match and if I should try to get him back. Plz help

        • You both sound too immature for a serious relationship. Try backing off for long enough to get things into a better perspective. A healthy relationship can never be built on lies.

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