How to Ruin a Relationship – and How to Rebuild Trust Between You

How to Ruin a Relationship – and How to Rebuild Trust Between You

Unfortunately finding a way to ruin a relationship is much easier than learning how to nurture it.

And the tragedy is that many women keep repeating the same mistakes because they simply don’t realize what they are doing wrong. They don’t see that the way they communicate is often misunderstood by men. They don’t realize that men draw completely different conclusions from the ones they intended.

Women also behave in ways that repel men and make them pull away, without realizing the effect they are having.

And then they draw the wrong conclusions – that “men won’t commit” or “he couldn’t handle my success”’ – and become disillusioned and discouraged about men and relationships.

If you have ever watched things fall apart without knowing why, you may have been making one of these mistakes.

How to Ruin a Relationship – He Couldn’t Make You Happy 

Many women don’t realize what a big deal this is for men.

They try to use their unhappiness as a way to make a man change. But this will actually ruin a relationship, because what it really does is make him doubt whether he should even be with you.

The most common reason men give for leaving is “No matter what I did, I couldn’t make her happy any more”. Seeing you happy is your man’s confirmation of his success. It means that he is the man you want, and that he is enough for you.

Being able to make you happy is his number 1 desire. If a man can’t make a woman happy, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with her.

Many women will use their unhappiness to manipulate men.

Whenever something happens that they don’t like, they pout or nag or cry, hoping it will motivate the man to change. They think he will want to please them, but they often find instead that he withdraws or turns away.

Men are not well motivated by criticism – no-one is. What you should do is to try using the carrot, not the stick.

How to Get a Man To Do More of What You Want

When a man does something that makes you happy, tell him so.

Let him see that what he says or does makes you happy and he will want to do more of it – and that’s guaranteed. Meanwhile remember that it takes two to make a relationship work, so instead of rushing to blame your boyfriend when something is wrong, think about how you could both make things better for each other.

When you emphasize your unhappiness, you are draining all the joy out of the relationship.

Men find this enormously de-motivating, and it saps any will they have to change things. Whereas when they see you happy, they are happy too.

Think of a time when you were happy, just for some small reason, say because you bought a beautiful pair of shoes in the sales. Remember how your boyfriend smiled at your pleasure in them, although to him the reason was probably mystifying trivial.

He just loved seeing you happy.

How to Ruin a Relationship – Being a Drama Queen

Men like to feel comfortable in their relationships.

Being with you should be relaxing for him, and you should both enjoy each other’s company as a safe haven. Your private world should be somewhere you can be yourselves, away from the pressures of the outside world.

Unfortunately many women bring a lot of drama into their relationships.

Everything that happens to them, no matter how trivial or unimportant, is turned into a big issue. When this happens, the man can find himself having to provide sympathy, reassurance and solutions to these imaginary problems on a daily basis.

Men find this exhausting and draining.

A man’s instinct is to minimize problems, so when a woman is in constant emotional turmoil over her everyday life, he finds it difficult to keep dealing with it.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to be supportive when something bad happens, but there has to be give and take. Really bad things don’t happen every day: and sometimes he wants your support; but most of the time he just wants peace and quiet.

Some women can become addicted to drama, because it makes them feel important and special. It forces their boyfriends to concentrate on them, rather than on anything else he might want to do for himself.

How the Drama Queen Drives Her Man Away

Wanting someone’s full attention all the time puts intolerable pressure on them, and drains them to the point where they can’t give or take any more.

Putting a man under this kind of constant emotional pressure is a prime example of how to ruin a relationship. Being with the woman he loves should be an undemanding, fun experience. He wants happiness and laughs when you are together, not emotional turmoil and stress.

If you find stress difficult to manage, then you should think about finding other ways to help you cope.

Meditation, yoga and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) will all help you to relax, and there are many other therapies designed to help with stress management and anxiety.

Give your man a break, and take some responsibility for yourself, because too much drama is a surefire way to drive a good man away.

How to Ruin a Relationship – Smothering Him

Some women find it hard to resist the urge to ‘mother’ a man.

They try to clean up after him, urge him to eat better, drink less or drive more slowly. There are several reasons why this can easily ruin a relationship.

He already has a mother. Although he probably finds it tiresome and annoying, she has a certain licence to give him “motherly” advice and criticism. You don’t.

He will instinctively resist the challenge to his independence.

He is a grown man, and will decide for himself where he goes, what he does and how he chooses to spend his time. A man’s sense of freedom is vitally important to him. The fear of its loss is one of the main reasons why men can be reluctant to commit.

Most of all it kills the sexual tension between you stone dead.

Mothers are, by definition, not sexy or desirable. The more you treat him like his mother does, the less attracted he will be to you as a woman, and the less he will want to have you as a girlfriend.

So no matter now strong you maternal instinct is, resist the urge to indulge it with him. Men hate being treated like babies. And they hate been nagged too. Treat him how he wants to be treated – like a man, and he will treat you like a woman and the girlfriend you want to be.

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2 Responses to How to Ruin a Relationship – and How to Rebuild Trust Between You

  1. My boyfriend’s mother always did everything for him. So he expects me to do the same. I don’t really like it, but I don’t want to lose him. But it makes me feel used. And I don’t know how to change it. What should I do?

    • It always creates problems when a man’s mother brings him up to be utterly selfish. If I’m honest, this kind of thing makes me angry, which makes it hard for me to give dispassionate advice. The truth is that such men don’t change easily. Not only have they been brought up with the idea that they can expect women to wait on them; they’ve been taught that it’s their inalienable right. And any woman who disputes that is not worthy of them. Changing that mindset is an uphill battle that will take years; and even then there is no guarantee of success. Is he REALLY worth it? Only you can answer that.

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