Wouldn’t it be great if you could make your ex fall back in love with you again? Just think. No more planning and scheming to get him back. No more uncertainty. No more loneliness. In fact, he’d be the one chasing you. Wouldn’t that be the dream way to get your ex boyfriend back?

Of course it would. But right now, it looks impossible. Maybe your ex won’t even speak to you. Maybe he’s told you that you’ll never, ever get back together (Taylor Swift fan?); it’s over between you.

But think about it for a moment. Would it really be that hard?

In fact you have a major advantage over anyone else when you want to make your ex fall back in love with you. After all, you held his heart once, so you know you have the qualities to attract him. All you have to do is remind him why he first fell for you, and there’s a good chance that you can make your ex fall back in love with you again.

But Right Now He’s Got Other Things On His Mind…

The problem is the breakup, and the things that drove you apart. In place of the love you shared, there’s now anger and bitterness; and you need to get past that to have another chance with him. And if your ex has turned his back on you and doesn’t want to see or hear from you any more; then you can’t just rush in with all guns blazing and expect him to fall back into your arms. (You’ve probably been doing a bit of this already, and instead of getting your boyfriend to come back, it’s driven him further away.)

You need to be a bit more patient and subtle. In the end, your ex needs to feel that it was his idea to get back together, because then he’ll be not just a willing but an eager participant in your new relationship.

Unless he feels it was his decision, you won’t be able to make your ex fall back in love with you again. So follow these 7 clever tips to get him not just back in your arms, but eating out of your hand again.

1. Set Yourself Free Of Him

Yes, this sounds paradoxical, but what it really means is this; stop making your passion for him so obvious!

People always want the things they can’t have. If your ex knows he could have you back whenever he wants, there’s no urgency. He can keep you on the back burner indefinitely; he can even use you as a social backup when all else fails, or as a shoulder to cry on. Knowing that you will always be there, waiting around for him if he should ever decide he wants you, is the surest way to guarantee that he never will.

2. Make Yourself Scarce

Stop being at his beck and call. You’re not his girlfriend now, let alone his beck and call girl. Let him fend for himself. He’s a big boy now, and he can look after himself.

Your priority now is YOU. You have to build a new life for yourself – without him. The surest way to live a life in which nothing ever happens is to wait for events to come to you. So don’t wait at home, hoping your ex will call. He won’t, and even if he does, it’s better if you don’t answer. Go out and do something you enjoy instead.

Remember that your ex is not part of your life any more, and he has no right to expect you to “be there” for him. Even if it’s hard at first, you’ll find that the more you do, the more you will want to do and the less you will think about your ex.

3. Pamper Yourself

Make a fuss of yourself. Treat yourself to a few luxuries. Do the things you enjoy most, and do them often.

All your money is yours now to spend on yourself, so indulge in a few of your favorite treats. Do whatever makes you feel good, and make a resolution to get yourself looking and feeling great.

But don’t indulge yourself by overeating. This is not the time to give in to the urge to binge because you are feeling down. Looking good will show your ex that not only are you doing fine without him, but he has also lost a prize that was well worth keeping.

4. Appreciate What You Have

Instead of obsessing over how unhappy you are, think about the good things you still have. Make a list, if you have to. Your friends, your family, your career, your hobbies, your social life; all the things in your life that mean most to you. Things which, if you’re honest, you probably neglected a bit while you were together.

Being a “glass half full” person will give you a completely different outlook from the person whose glass is always half empty; and everyone else will pick up on your positive vibes. Being happy is a great draw. People flock to happy people, and crave their company. Happy people always seem to have something special, some irresistible allure, something which others want to share.

5. Let Go of the Past

Don’t keep obsessing over what went wrong, and what you could have done differently. Think instead of how different the future is going to be.

Dwelling on the past pulls you down and robs you of the will to make changes. You cannot change or undo what has already happened. You need to look forward and find reasons to be optimistic.

Having negative thoughts and feelings shows in everything you say and do, and other people will pick up on your negative vibes. And there is no quicker way of ensuring that nobody wants to be with you. Not only will you not make your ex fall back in love with you; you’ll be in danger of chasing away your other friends too.

6. Welcome the Changes

Even though you’ve just suffered a very unwelcome change – your breakup; try to see change in a positive light.

The breakup has happened now; it’s history. Further changes are inevitable if you are going to move on. But there are plenty of other things over which you do still have control. So use this as an opportunity to improve your life in the most positive ways you can.

Set goals for yourself and make a realistic plan to achieve them. Any kind of success right now, however small, will be an enormous confidence booster, and will show your ex that actually, you can do fine without him. All the words in world won’t convince him even a fraction as well as seeing you confidently turning your life around.

7. Love Yourself First

If you don’t find yourself lovable, then no-one else will.

Right now you need to regain your ex’s love in order to validate your belief in your own worth. But being happy with the person you already are takes away that need. When a breakup is truly devastating to the person who has been dumped, it’s often because they relied on their partner to make them feel worthwhile and valuable.

Learning to love yourself will take away much of the power your ex has over you, because you won’t need the affirmation of his love just to feel good about yourself.

Make Your Ex Fall Back In Love With You By Moving On

The paradox is that to make your ex fall back in love with you, you need to start moving on and showing him that he is not necessary to your happiness. The less sure he feels of your love, the more valuable and desirable it will become to him. It’s human nature. People never want something more than when they fear it’s about to be taken away from them.

And whatever happens, you will have started the process of recovery. You won’t still be in the dark place you were when you started out on your journey. Instead you will be on your way to somewhere new and better – and to making your ex fall back in love with you again.

18 thoughts on “7 Ways to Make Your Ex Fall Back in Love With You

  1. My ex and I had been together for 2 almost 3 years now and we have been on and off, everyone gets jealous and well there was certain situations in which I felt uncomfortable and I would express that to him and at first he would listen but then at some point he became irritated and would tell me that his friend was very touchy and that she didn’t mean much by it although I would feel uncomfortable. That’s when we started to have problems, I found it hard to trust even though I had no reason to doubt him, I think it’s because of my previous relationships where someone left me for another girl and it really scared me to think that it would happen again. After that my jealousy didn’t get any better but I also felt like I didn’t get as much attention from him like before. When talking to me he barely made eye contact and would be distracted and it would make me upset because when he would talk to his other lady friends he would give them his undivided attention. He was loving and kind but little things just began to make me a bit paranoid and he was always very honest with me. His ex was also his good friend for a long time so when she would come into town we would all hang out and she would be very touchy and that would upset me too. We recently decided to mutually break up because there was a lot of tension and I would make him upset even if I did nothing. The last night we were out together he looked upset and I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing and that by me asking I was just annoying him… so I stepped away and gave him space. He told me he loves me very much and that he has never loved someone the way he has me but that somethings in our relationship weren’t healthy. I’m a very positive person but I think to some extent my jealousy got the best of me. I feel like with some confidence I would have been cool with certain situations because it wouldn’t have felt like a threat to me. We are giving one another space and it seems like it’s a lot easier for him than me. I need to give him space but part of me want to be able to hang out as friends and talk. I would be fine with that after all we enjoyed each other’s company a lot before dating. Do you think that perhaps at some point he will come around and want to hang out ? Or do you think that perhaps he’ll think his life is a lot better than me and not want to see me at all ? Also I do overthink things a lot.
    I hope that we can be friends and grow as individuals and that when the time is right and he deals with his stuff as far as forgiveness and patience that maybe we can work out.

    1. A secret you may not be aware of: when you feel threatened by other women, it diminishes you in a man’s eyes. It tells him that you don’t see yourself as a real prize, and makes him wonder if perhaps he couldn’t do better.

      You say that your confidence isn’t always as good as you would like, so this is something you might want to work on so that you can improve your self-esteem. This would go a long way towards helping you to believe your boyfriend when he tells you that you are woman he loves, and to be calm and cool about his exes, whether or not he is still friends with them.

      Don’t ask him for ‘forgiveness’. Stop doubting yourself and stop doubting him. Tell yourself he is lucky to have you. If you can believe it, he will too.

  2. My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me 4 weeks ago, saying that he thinks we have changed as people and are lives are going in different directions. The last 6 months have been a period of great change for us as he has taken on a new job which is very intense and has a lot of travel involved. I have not reacted well to this change and since breaking up I have had therapy and realised that I have severe anxiety around change which has effected my behaviour in the relationship over the past 6 months, making me behave in an unsupportive and uncharacteristic way (for example saying I would never want to move abroad which is something he would like to do) which has resulted in him mistakenly thinking that we have changed as people and that I am not able to deal with his new job and lifestyle. When we broke up he said we felt we were in different stages of our lives and that I was slowing down while he was speeding up. Part of my realisation from therapy however has been that one of one of my coping mechanisms to deal with the change / uncertainty of his new job was to cling to our future. We had always talked about marriage and children and where we would live in the future and he was never scared of this, but I became obsessive about talking about this and focusing on it to the point that I wasn’t enjoying our relationship simply in the current stage it was in, as a result he believes I am ready to settle down now (which I am most definitely not) and that we are in different stages of our lives, with his life now ramping up and getting more exciting with his new job.

    Therapy has made me realise that my fear of change was causing me to react in ways to this situation that were not representative of how I really feel (for example I would actually happily move abroad). When breaking up my boyfriend told me he still loves me, but he believes his new lifestyle has caused me a lot of pain and will only continue to do so and that he believes having spent most of his adult life with me, that he needs to now go and grow on his own / have his own life. Because he has always put me first above his own needs, I understand why he feels this, but I believe that having had therapy, our relationship could now be very different and much more equal and supportive from my side.

    I had not contacted him since the breakup, but I accidentally ran into him last week, we spoke for 10 minutes or so and it was lovely to see him but when I turned the conversation to us he reiterated about needing time on his own to grow and be alone and that he knows that feeling isn’t going to change. I said that that I thought we should meet to speak about everything in a few weeks and he said that would be ok. I want to see him and explain my thoughts and realisations about everything but I know that he won’t listen to what I have to say and will think that I am saying I am happy to accept his new job and lifestyle just because I want him back and am giving up what I really want (which he believes to be a settled life) rather than the fact I am genuinely happy to accept it and be supportive. I feel like the relationship we were previously in gave him no space to grow as a person as it was very suffocating, but I feel like this could be different now I have taken steps to understanding my behaviour.

    We live around the corner from each other and I have heard from mutual friends that he is planning to move out of the area and is also talking to work about moving abroad within the next year or so. A mutual friend who has spoken to him has told me that although he seems ok on the surface he has told her he misses me and wonders how I am but doesn’t want to message as he knows it would be unfair on me. He has said to her that he doesn’t know what will happen in the future with us but reiterated feeling like he needs to be on his own. I know we will likely meet up in a few weeks and I will be able to clearly communicate my thoughts and realisations but I don’t know how to make him see that things could be very different if could give it a chance.

    Please advice!

    Thanks

    1. Your ex is clearly a very good man who genuinely cares for you. But he has seen his actions make you unhappy, and because he cares for you, he has done what he sees as the right thing by breaking up with you. Such a man would not do that lightly after 5 years together; and having done it, he will not undo it lightly either.

      He has seen his future change and become full of new possibilities; and he wants to take advantage of them. I suspect this has triggered powerful feelings of insecurity in you, which led to your recent behavior. Seeking therapy to deal with your feelings was a powerful move to take back control of your life, and shows you are stronger than perhaps you feared. However, although you have started on the road to change, you are unlikely to have arrived yet.

      I’m afraid the last 6 months can’t be undone in an instant, much as you would like them to be. And although I’m sure you don’t see it like that, it seems to me that you haven’t changed as much you seem to believe. Your first priority is still to get your ex back; and he knows it too, which is why he won’t talk about the past with you. You see, ‘changing’ as a person isn’t something you can explain to him; it isn’t something you can explain to anybody. He needs to see it for himself. And every attempt to tell him you’ve changed is simply reinforcing his belief that you are only saying it to get him back.

      And he’s right. Because if you really had changed, you wouldn’t be trying to tell him about, you’d just be getting on with your life as the changed person you have become.

      Where is this leading? To acceptance that for now, your relationship is over. I’m sure he misses you very much, but that alone isn’t a reason to rekindle your relationship. He is sure that for now he can’t make you happy and he needs to be alone, and if you can respect that, then it will be the first step towards showing (not telling) him that, yes, you really have changed.

      However, there’s no reason why you can’t stay in touch, NOT as ‘friends’ because that’s not what you want, and he is unlikely to deceive himself into thinking that is possible either. But as two people who shared a wonderful past, you still care about each other and so you could continue to share you experiences. But you have to face the possibility that he may meet someone else (and so might you); so DON’T build your life around the hope that one day you will get back together. You might, you might not. Get on with building a new life for yourself, SHOW him how, like him, you are growing and changing, and maybe he will come to see you through new eyes.

      But don’t count on it.

      And maybe have a look at this article and this one, which will give you some insight on how men view commitment.

  3. I asked for a break so I can fix things within myself and my bf thought a break was stupid so he said to break up. But I said if you really did love me you would give me 2nd chance? He promised me a 2nd chance but that never happened cuz now he made a pledge to not date for awhile for idk how long. and ever séance that night my life has been hard and he said we can still be friends but its kind of weird when we both still have feelings for each other. so now he calls me his friends but when we snap each other or hang out we some what act like we are together a bit but then again I have to tell myself that we are just friends. I don’t want to lose hope but at the same time should I give up and try to move on but then again he made me so happy and we were together for 6 months and all of that is gone now. I trusted him with everything and yes I still love him now but I don’t know what to do at this point…?

    1. Perhaps he thought that taking a break was just a prelude to breaking up.

      Why did you ask for a break? Are you just blowing hot and cold over this relationship? I ask because your ex doesn’t seem to trust your motives, and perhaps he feels you’ve played with him in the past.

  4. I dated my ex for 4 months, at the starting of our relationship he cheated on me three times he begged for me back stating that he was going to change. a month later he was showing improvements but I still had feelings about him cheating so I decided to check his phone every second, I was paranoid and every minute wanting to know where he was. I wanted his 100% attention all the time which led us to have lots of arguments. I have been dumping him a lot and taking him back over dumb little things just because I am holding onto the past but I also lied about certain things at the starting of our relationship which he said he forgives me but now I have broken up with him I want him back but he’s using me breaking up with me and the past as an excuse. I really love him but don’t know what to do

    1. If he cheated on you 3 times right at the start of your relationship, when he should have been madly in love and thinking about no-one but you, why are you still with him?

  5. My boyfriend of almost a year was deeply invested in me. I loved him too but was never as expressive as he perhaps wanted me to be. Marriage was already in the tasks and we had met each other’s family. He is 36 and I am 31. After 2 weeks of fighting he decided to break up with me in January this year. My immediate response was to ask him to reconsider to which he said no and we went out of contact. In March i ended up contacting him for a favour and he responded very well. I still had strong feelings for him but i decided to return the diamond jewellery he gave me because just seeing them was too painful and i knew i will never wear them again. We met for lunch when i returned them and despite the awkward reason for meeting, we had a great time. After 2 weeks i asked him if he was okay with being friends(thought that would be a good way to get back with him) and he said he would like that. We have been on friendly terms since then but hes not much of a texter so we do not correspond very frequently. I was happy that he agreed to be friends, since we werent friends before we dated and neither do we have common circles

    Do you think i have given him conflicted messages by returning the jewellery and friendzoning him? i love him with my heart and soul but can not tell him that because another rejection will shatter me. What else can i do to get him back?

    1. Why did you really give him back the jewellery? Was it perhaps because you hoped he would beg you to keep it, and come back to him?

      I ask because it’s kind of thing women do, and it never gets the response they are hoping for. After all, you didn’t really have to give it back to him, did you? You could have put it away somewhere you didn’t have to see it, couldn’t you, if you found the sight of it that upsetting?

      The jewellery was a gift, and returning gifts is both hurtful in itself, and a gesture of finality. That he remains in touch with you suggests that he may still have feelings for you, as does that fact that you don’t really seem to be friends in any conventional sense; you just text each other occasionally.

      You don’t say what caused the fights that led to your breakup. As far as your ex is concerned, I imagine he’d want to know that those problems could be solved before he’d think it was worth trying again. Can they? Have you given any thought to this since you’ve been apart? Because if not, this is where you need to start.

  6. My ex and i have been together for almost 8 years. I cheated on him and he forgave me and as we were starting to progress to something good, I made another mistake. I used the card of his mom, to purchase things since I lost my money. I was so scared so I told him about it and he wants time off since he wants to focus on himself he told me I damaged him pretty bad after the cheating and this. I was not thinkinh properly

    1. You didn’t “make a mistake”, you stole. I could ask how you came to “lose” your money, or how you came to be in possession of your boyfriend’s mother’s card, let alone the means to use it, or what “things” you couldn’t live without, or why you didn’t talk to your boyfriend about it and seek his support, but I’m not sure it would help. Having forgiven you for cheating on him (why did you cheat?), your boyfriend is now looking at a thief and a fraud, and the person she has wronged is his mother.

      How to you intend to repay her? How do imagine that your boyfriend can trust you after two such betrayals? You shouldn’t even be thinking of yourself, but of the two people you have wronged, and how you are going to make restitution to them.

  7. In love with by boyfriend of six months,we had a quarrel,he ignored me for weeks,I apologised he said he has forgotten about it but we should just be friends,that he doesn’t want to deal with his past relationship dramas,he’s too emotional and won’t recover if we stay together and it ends .it’s difficult getting ova him cs I still love him and I know he does love me,I see the way he looks at me,he said he still hv feelings for me but he pushes me away as his own defence mechanism against feeling hurt.

    1. He sounds as if he doesn’t like being confronted with emotions, especially emotional dramas. Has he suffered some particularly painful emotional trauma in the past? No matter how much he dislikes it, he will have to get used to coping with some degree of emotional demands, or else live entirely divorced from normal relationships. Does he really want to spend the rest of his life in a sentimental and spiritual desert?

  8. Me and my ex broke up a week ago.the reason he gave me was that I don‘t pay him enough attention..we broke up in bad terms and I ended up blocking him.but three days ago he sent me a message via telegram asking me how I‘m doing and whether i went out or not.i was angry at him and wasn‘t ready to answer him.so i ignored him.the next day he sent me a message again telling me to answer and he sounded desperate.but I ignored him again and he said goodbye.i know he will show up again.what should I do?should I ignore him again?i was there for him always and he broke up with me for such a trashy reason..shouldn’t I punish him?

    1. He probably doesn’t like being ignored. Maybe it’s the first time he hasn’t been able to make you do what he wants. It’s a new experience for him, and he doesn’t like it. Keep it up.

  9. I dated him for 2years and i accused him of cheating with his ex we broke up i was scarce then he texted me which ended up in another fight and we weren’t talking for some days he texted me but we fought and i pleaded and begged him to take me back and he said no it’s best if i move and that he’s not good for me and i survived a day without texting and told him i totally agree with the break up and am happy on ma own and he was like hes sorry for hurting and i try to make him jealous and he asked if i have gotten a new boyfriend and i told him that shouldn’t be his concern and he said yeah please tell me what to do i really love him and want him back

    1. Accusations, fights, followed by begging and pleading. How long was your relationship like that? Why did you accuse him of cheating with his ex after you have apparently been a couple for 2 years? It suggests your relationship may never have been very happy or stable. Did you have any grounds for suspicion?

      This is no way to live a good life. Take some time out to calm down without contacting or seeing your ex. Ditch the drama, and try to get a firmer grip on what’s really going on, and whether you are really right for each other. When you can do that (and not before), you can think about the future.

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