The key to getting your ex back lies in the future, not the past. It’s about changing the way your ex feels about you. If you can revive the attraction between you, then forgetting the past will become much easier. They will want to forgive you. If you can give you ex a vision of a great future with the person they first fell in love with, they will start to regret breaking up with you.

Have you ever heard the expression “The best revenge is success”? Too many women focus all their efforts on actively trying to get their ex back. They make their whole life about it (for the complete low-down on the mistakes that will totally sabotage your chances of ever getting your ex back, go here).

But that doesn’t make you desirable to your ex. It doesn’t make you a prize. Instead you need to become someone special; someone who is worth regretting, a woman whose life doesn’t revolve around her boyfriend. Become this woman, and your ex can’t help but regret breaking up with you.

Right now you are doing No Contact, yes? (If not, or if right now you are asking “What is No Contact?”, then go here to find out why it is the essential first step to getting your ex back.)

The No Contact period is the time you devote to yourself. This is when you transform yourself into the woman of any man’s dreams. Use the No Contact period positively, and you will go far towards making your ex regret breaking up with you.

1. Meet New People (and See Your Old Friends)

When you’re in a relationship you often see less of your friends (but you should always keep a life of your own). So now you’re single again, it’s time to catch up with them. Don’t sit at home moping. Accept invitations, go out and have some fun. Of course that won’t be easy at first, but this is one time when you must fake it until you make it.

The more you go out and socialize, the more you will see that there IS more to life than your boyfriend. Gradually you’ll find you are genuinely starting to enjoy yourself. This is great progress. And better still, you’ll meet new people, and grow your social circle. Meeting new people does more than anything to make you feel you have a positive future ahead. They are a powerful symbol of change and growth.

2. Post Pictures of Your New Life on Facebook

Your new life won’t influence your ex if he doesn’t know about it. So make sure you take lots of pictures and post them on Facebook. The best pictures will show you in mixed groups and having fun with guys, preferably guys your ex doesn’t recognize. This will skyrocket your desirability factor. Remember, everybody wants what everybody else wants. Your social value will go through the roof.

There’s an art to this, and it can be very powerful. To find out all about using Facebook to get your ex back, visit this page.

3. Get Into the Greatest Shape of Your Life

If you’re already in good shape, then great. But lots of people get comfortable in long-term relationships, and this can mean putting on weight and losing condition. Women especially are prone to gaining weight, because men, being bigger, naturally eat more than women. And when you are living together, your portion sizes often go up to match. It’s something to watch out for in future.

But now you should try to eat good quality, healthy food, and exercise regularly. If you already do, then step up your workout routine. There’s nothing like knowing you look fabulous for boosting your confidence.

It will take time for your efforts to bear fruit, so use this discipline to help you stick to the no contact period you have set yourself. You want to knock his socks off the next time you see your boyfriend.

4. Pep Up Your Wardrobe

Reward your efforts in the kitchen and the gym by giving yourself a makeover. Go to the hairdresser – there’s no need to change your look if you don’t want to, but get a new twist to your favorite style. And make sure your clothes flatter your new toned shape.

Remember your appearance is a reflection of how you are feeling inside. Dressing in bright colors will make you look optimistic and happy. Don’t try to look like someone else altogether, though. Looking stylish and classy is the key.

5. Update Your Facebook Profile

As well as posting pictures of you new life on Facebook, it’s important to update your Facebook profile. In fact, it’s so important I have written an entire post about the rules for using your Facebook profile to get your ex back. You can find it here.

Facebook is a really effective tool for laying the groundwork to get your ex back. So make sure you use it effectively. When he sees you looking great and having fun, he’s almost certain to regret breaking up with you.

6. Don’t Cut Your Ex Off Completely

Although you shouldn’t contact your ex immediately after a breakup, you don’t need to cut him out of your life completely. If you see him when you are out, don’t ignore him. Instead have a light, friendly conversation, avoiding anything to do with the breakup. Keep it short, and be the first to leave, making it clear that you are busy and haven’t got time to stop.

Try to forget any bitterness you feel towards him and project only positives vibes. Drop some hints about the exciting things you are doing, but don’t go into any details. You want to intrigue him and make him wonder why you are not more upset and miserable.

If your ex mentions the breakup, change the subject. Do the same if you run into his friends. This is not the time to talk about your old relationship.

7. Do Something New and Different

It’s important that those exciting things you hinted about above really exist.

Nothing will take your mind of the past and give you hope for the future like trying out new and different activities. If someone invites you to do something challenging, then accept. Even if you’re not usually the adventurous type, it will be good for you to do something that stretches you.

And what about those things you’ve always meant to do, but which have remained on the back burner? Well, now’s the time to take them up.

You will get a tremendous sense of achievement by doing this. And you will enlarge and enrich your life too. Win, win, win!

8. Avoid Rebound Relationships

When a relationship ends, it leaves a big void in your life. This is inevitable, which is why you should be filling it with all the positive things we’ve talked about above. What you shouldn’t do is start a new relationship.

You need time to recover from your breakup. And if you want to get your ex back, this isn’t the way to do it. So far you’ve rebuilt your life, and if you’ve done most of the things described above, you’ve improved it. Your ex is aware that time is running out if he wants to get you back, and he is beginning to regret breaking up with you.

You’ve met new guys, and one of them, one day, could even become your boyfriend. But although your ex needs to think this is possible; he mustn’t think that it’s actually happened. The possibility alone will create a feeling of urgency in him, and may make him feel a bit jealous (make sure you get this right by reading the post Should You Date Others to Make Your Ex Jealous, which you can find here).

9. Don’t Gossip About Your Ex – or Your Relationship

To get your ex really intrigued again it’s vital that you don’t talk about your breakup in public. If anyone asks, be noncommittal, and change the subject. Especially avoid saying bad or insulting or derogatory things about your ex, or about the relationship. This can be tempting if your breakup was very bitter; but it never ends well.

You don’t want your ex to know how you feel, you want him to wonder. And refusing to dish the dirt will show your worth and depth as a person. If you must confide in someone, choose a person you can rely on not to pass on your confidences as gossip.

10. Become the Person You Really Want To Be

Making all these changes in your life will focus your attention squarely on you. You no longer have to think about what someone else wants, and adapt yourself to it. You are free to be yourself.

So give some time to thinking about what that really means. What are your dreams, your ambitions, your goals? What is important to you?  How do you really want to live your life?

This is your chance to discover more about what will really make you happy. As you grow and learn more about yourself, you’ll be able to see more clearly whether your ex really is the right person for you.

Remember you’ll never be happy in a relationship that doesn’t allow you to be true to yourself.

Be Patient and Don’t Try to Rush Things

Remember things aren’t going to change overnight.

And don’t expect your ex to show any signs of regret about breaking up with you. Not publicly. That’s just not what men do. Publicly he’ll be saying things like “No way would I want her back” or “Why do you think I dumped her?” or “It’s great to feel free again”.

But when you make these positive changes, and move your life forward; in his heart your ex will wonder and doubt about the breakup. And in time he will start to regret breaking up with you.

Comfort yourself that you are getting back in control of your life, and that whatever happens next, you are laying the foundations of a happy future. Keep the inevitable low moments private, and always present a positive face to the world.

Remember that you are trying to remind your ex that he is losing a valuable and desirable prize in you. Believing this is what will make him regret breaking up with you, and decide he needs to get you back.

Not sure what to do next?

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This Post Has 8 Comments

  1. Lauren

    My ex broke up with me a month ago saying she needed to work on herself because she was going through some mental health issues. She wants to be friends and we still text everyday and FaceTime a few times a week. She keeps in touch with me and we even hung out today but today she said she still loves me but has feelings for someone else and wants to see what happens with that for now. This other person she has feelings for is her best friend who pretty much just told her that she wants to build on their friendship and see what happens naturally. I agreed to being friends and hanging out just as friends and she said she wants to just build on our friendship and take things one day at a time because she doesn’t know what the future holds for us or for her and this other person. My feeling is if this new person doesn’t work out she will come back to me but I’m not sure, I want to be there to support her because I do love her I’m just not sure if I’m being too optimistic or if she’s just keeping me around as a backup option. Something in my gut is telling me to not give up on her and wait for as long as it takes but Thank you!!

    1. Sarah

      Try and take a step back and work on other aspects of your life. Go out with your friends and enjoy yourself. Work on your career. There should always be more to your life than just one relationship.

  2. Leslie

    My ex broke up with me two weeks ago I cheated on him with my other ex not physically but here was some sexual messages exchanged but my ex promises that he can’t ever get past the betrayal and that we are finished for good. What can I do? He says I broke the cardinal rule of relationships.

    1. Sarah

      Which one do you really want?

  3. Elizabeth

    My ex broke up with me almost three weeks ago and so I told him I don’t want to hear from him again, and started no contact. Its been 17 days and I don’t want to reach out first when the NC period is over. We live in the same city and usually go to the same bars (which I have been avoiding for the past two weeks), but I am sure I will see him next weekend at a party. How should I behave towards him to make him want me back?

    1. Sarah

      As you’ll still be in no contact try not to spend too much time with him, look amazing and don’t get drunk so that you end up having an argument, or worse still, in bed together. After the party go back to completing the No Contact period.

  4. Olive

    He broke up with me three weeks ago and since then I told him I don’t want to hear from him right now and I’ve been doing no contact. It’s now 19 days and I don’t want to be the one reach out first. We live in the same city and usually go to the same bars (which I have been avoiding for the past three weeks), but I am sure I will see him next weekend at a party. How should I react to him to make him want me back?

    1. Sarah

      Look amazing, try not to spend too much time around him and don’t get too drunk so that you stay in control. Flirt with him and keep everything light, no emotional conversations or arguments and definitely not a sexident!

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