Of course you can’t build an entire relationship through texting. But you might be able to start rebuilding one that way. The thing is that, when you want to get your ex back, the first step is to re-establish contact with them. And that can be tricky. So what do you do? If you think about it, trying to get your ex back with text messages might be the smartest move you could make.

After you’ve finished your No Contact phase, you need to find a way of contacting your ex that will work in your favor. So what is the best way? And can you really get your ex back with text messages?

Why should texting work better than other methods?

Finding the Best Route Back to Your Ex

Let’s consider what those other methods are, and how they will work out when you actually use them. You will soon see why trying to get your ex back with text messages can be so effective.

The Call

The advantage of calling your ex is that you get real, person to person interaction with them – but only if they actually answer your call.

And if they are willing to talk to you. Often that isn’t the case.

And even if they do, you have to think on your feet and keep the conversation going in the right direction.  That can be difficult when you are feeling tense and emotional – however much you are trying to stay calm. And your ex may throw spokes into the conversation, or be in a frame of mind that makes it impossible to stop everything going very, very wrong.

The Letter

Letters can be a powerful way of convincing your ex of your sincerity and desire to put things right, but have you ever written a letter before? If not, this may not be the time to start.

Letters work best when you are trying to mend a long-standing relationship with someone you knew very well. If you were only with your ex for a short time, it’s probably better to use another method.

The Meeting

Your ex is probably not willing to meet you right now.

And if you try to contrive an ‘accidental on purpose’ meeting, they might easily see through it or at least be a bit suspicious. They may not be willing to stop and talk to you. And if they do, you would need to be careful.

A long conversation is NOT what you need right now. You want to get them hungry for more, which is why text messages might be more effective. Think of them as a means towards meeting up with your ex later on.

The Text

Unlike a conversation, text messages are short. Unlike a letter, text messages are relaxed and light-hearted. Unlike a call, text messages are sure of getting to their destination.

Texting lets you communicate with your ex when they refuse to see or talk to you. You can take as long as you need to compose each message, so you are sure of saying the right thing (without saying too much). This is the root of trying to get your ex back with text messages.

There are several ways texting can be used.


Unlike photos, text messages are not usually shared or passed around, so you can create your own private, virtual world with just the two of you.

Rules to Get Your Ex Back Using Text Messages

All relationships are different, and you will create your texts with that in mind. But there are a few rules that you need to understand before you try to get your ex back with text messages.

You must control the conversation

That means that you begin it, and you bring it to a close, leaving your ex wanting more.

Focus on the positive in your relationship

Be clear about what you and you ex had together that made you a great couple. Be clear about what was wrong between you too, and avoid it.

Be prepared for things to move slowly

This applies especially at first. AND THIS IS GOOD. To build something lasting takes time.

Don’t bombard your ex with texts

If they don’t reply, then you need to extend the no contact period further. Leave it for a couple of weeks before sending another.


You can’t afford to look needy.

Making That Vital First Contact 

Texting is the easiest and most effective way to get back in touch with your ex after a breakup.

It is subtle and non-confrontational – you can build attraction and intimacy gradually so that it seems natural and almost inevitable.

It is done at a safe distance – you are not confronting your ex to their face, which could make them feel defensive and even threatened.

It is also private and intimate – you can create your own private world where you can have fun and feel safe saying the things you really want to say to each other.

There is no “magic text” that will bring your ex straight back to you. You need to be patient and to stay in control; and texting (rather than direct contact with your ex) ensures that you do just that. Each text is a small step towards getting your ex back on your side.

You are just trying to open up communication. That means no long conversations, or suggestions to meet up. You don’t want to look as if you are asking for something, or expecting anything specific to come from these texts.

You need to be


You should NOT be


This is crucial when trying to get your ex back with text messages.

What to Say

Your texts should be short, light-hearted, original and fun. Don’t say anything that would generate a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response. Say something that stirs up good memories and puts a smile on their face. The happier the thoughts your text inspires, the more likely your ex is to respond positively. You want to inspire them into feeling a real desire to communicate with you again.

What to Do With Your Response

Positive response

Leave it for a couple of days and then text your ex again. Gradually extend the length of your conversations, but always make sure YOU end them first.

Neutral response

Treat it as a positive response, only leave a slightly longer interval and keep the next conversation short. Your ex will probably relax when they realize you are not going to start dragging up the past.

Negative or no response

This will really suck! But do NOT react or try to continue the conversation. Remember that your ex may take some time to get past the breakup, so leave it for 2 – 4 weeks, depending on how bad the response was, and then try again as if nothing has happened. Make the new approach quite different from the one that failed.

What to Do Next

Your ultimate aim is to get your ex to want to see you again. But don’t be in a hurry to get a result. The best thing that can happen is for the idea to come from your ex. This will take time – perhaps a lot of time. Patience is key when you try to get your ex back with text messages.

When you ARE ready to meet up with them again, you should continue to play it cool. You are still at the beginning with getting your ex back, and this is the point when many people mess up by being too eager or trying to rush things. Find out how to play it cool right up to the finish line here.

This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. Mehek

    Hey.. my ex broke up with me but still remained in contact with me like nothing had happened so after a day i told him some time apart would probably do us good but he texted me last night.I mean i only sent him that text on 22
    Of this month.I responded to his first text this morning but then he kept the conversation going on.What should i do?Yes i still have feelings for him and hope to get back together but i just dont want to make any mistakes or show im desperate

    1. Sarah

      Be the one to end the conversation. Wait for him to text again, rinse and repeat.

  2. Helen

    My ex and I are texting. How long should I wait before suggesting we meet up?

    1. Sarah

      Give him time to suggest it himself. If he still hasn’t after about a month, invite him on a group activity. That way it doesn’t sound like a date, you sound casual rather than desperate, and it won’t seem like an enormous step for him to take.

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