Right now you really want your ex back. It’s all you can think about – so should you call your ex?

If you want your boyfriend back, then sometime you will need to speak to him again. But if you’ve only just broken up, then the answer to the question “should you call your ex” is definitely no. Emotions will still be running high, and the last thing you should be doing right now is trying to call him.

This is typical of the kind of mistake people often make after breakups. But you are going to be cleverer than that. You’re not going to do anything that might things any worse than they already are.

Why Calling Your Ex Right Now Is a Bad Idea

Both of you need to cool down first and get over the trauma of the breakup.

This means spending some time apart, so that you can start getting your life back together and working on a new future. This is crucial, and you can find out everything you need to know about using no contact positively by visiting this page.

You can’t skimp on this, either. You need to take enough time to decide whether this really is the right relationship for you. A breakup isn’t just a blip on the road to ecstasy; it’s a serious warning that your ex just might not be The One.

But even so, you are having a really hard time stopping yourself from calling. You’re convinced you have vital things to discuss. So should you call your ex?

No. Because the reasons you are using to justify calling him are bogus.

Whatever it is, you can live without it

You left something at your ex’s place that you really, really need.

If that’s so, how come you forgot it when you left? The truth is that there’s probably nothing of yours that your ex still has that you can’t either do without, or easily replace. Admit it. It’s just an excuse to see him again.

He must be missing you…

You’re sure he will be having second thoughts by now. But he’ll be too proud to tell you – unless you turn up in person, when he’ll be so overwhelmed he’ll beg you to come back.

Wrong. Maybe he will change his mind. Eventually. But if he does, it’ll be in his own good time, and that time isn’t likely to be soon. It might even be never. But trying to make it happen will only rebound against you.

You can’t bear him being so happy without you…

You’ve been stalking him on Facebook and are shocked to discover that he is having the time of his life. How could he?

Don’t believe everything you see on social media. There are reasons why men seem to turn into Bluebeard after a breakup. And there’s no reason why he should have everything his way. You can use Facebook to your own advantage after a breakup. Find out how here.

It’s just too soon

Anything you say now will be misconstrued, and probably used in evidence against you.

No matter how sane and rational you try to sound, your ex will interpret any communication from you as proof that you are still obsessed with him; and that you are a crazy misfit from whom he was lucky to escape.

Don’t give him the satisfaction.

So When IS the Right Time?

When you have got a grip on yourself and your predicament, you can start taking positive action to get your ex back. If you have been practicing no contact, and using your time to make positive changes in your life; then your ex may already have contacted you. But what if this doesn’t happen? Should you call your ex?

You may find that you do have to call your ex if they don’t contact you. If so, it is crucial that you have a strategy in place first.

And you must resist the temptation to call too soon.

There are lots of reasons for this. If your breakup was bitter (as most of them are), you need to allow time for things to calm down, and for the dust to settle. It’s no good trying to patch things up with your ex while he is still mad at you.

You also need time to regain control of yourself and your emotions. It’s essential that you don’t try to call your ex while you are still feeling upset. Give yourself time to think about the breakup. What really went wrong between you?

Make sure you have made a genuine effort to understand what went wrong, rather than simply blaming your ex (or yourself) for everything. This won’t be easy, and you will need some time and also some distance to get anything like a realistic perspective on it.

How Do You See the Future?

We know you want your ex back. But you must have something more effective in place for any reconciliation to succeed. A burning desire to get back together just isn’t enough.

It will be fruitless if you just make the future a repetition of the past. You must have some idea of how to put things right, should you ever get the chance to do so.

Admit it. You’re still not convinced. And you’re struggling to stop yourself picking up the phone right now. So here are 10 conclusive reasons not to call your ex.

1. Honesty

The fact that you are struggling is proof that, in your heart, you know it won’t turn out well. Be honest. Do you really believe he’ll beg you to return the moment he hears your voice?

2. Rejection

You’ll end up feeling worse than you do now. You already feel diminished; so what do you think a further rejection will do to you?

3. Being ignored

What if he doesn’t pick up? Even if you hide your number, he’ll just know it’s you. Do you leave a message? Do you hope he’ll call back? What if he ignores you? You’ll have diminished yourself even further, and all for no purpose.

4. Being brushed off

What if he does answer? He might beg you to come back, but it’s pretty unlikely. He’s more likely to have answered out of guilt, and be evasive, exasperated and short, because he doesn’t really want to talk to you.

5. Friends?

What if he not only answers, but sounds pleased to hear from you? What if he suggests you can stay friends, even though you’re not together any more? Would you say yes? Probably. And that would be a bad, bad idea (to find out exactly why, visit this page). If you really want him back, then you must avoid being friends (and even being called friends) at all costs.

6. It’s not him, it’s you

He’s not the one calling – you are. And until that changes, it’s not going to end well for you.

7. Is he really The One?

Maybe he’s not The One. But until you can resist the urge to call your ex without having a massive internal fight about it, you won’t be able to tell. Get some more distance, so that you can get a better perspective.

8. It’s too one-sided

You are the only one working for this relationship. Until he wants to do his bit to make it work, it’s doomed to failure.

9. This is YOUR time, not his

You should be using this time alone for yourself; not wasting it by pining for the past. It’s essential that you make changes to your life before trying to get your ex back. Go here to find out why, and how.

10. It’s time to feel good

A good relationship is good because it makes you feel good. But right now your old relationship is making you feel terrible. So why are you hanging onto it for dear life? For your own sake, you need to move on.

So Where Do You Go From Here?

So when should you call your ex? After all, you do want him back. And so you’ll have to call him sometime.

This needs some careful planning. If you blow it completely during your first attempt, you may not get another chance. You can’t just call and hope for the best. Think carefully beforehand about what you hope to achieve by your call. Keep your ambitions realistic (don’t expect everything to be moonlight and roses straight away), and don’t get emotional, or make any demands.

Contacting your ex for the first time after a breakup is very tricky, and calling may not be the best way to do it. Make sure you get this right by reading my post How To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend For The First Time After A Breakup, which you can find here.

Be Patient – It Won’t Happen Quickly

Don’t expect one phone call to change everything.

It will take time to rebuild your relationship, just as it took time to build it in the beginning. If you can build a new rapport with your ex, you will have succeeded in the most difficult step. Go slowly and keep your mind on how different things are going to be this time.

Be ready to show your ex how much better things can be in the future. Allow for the fact that they may need a lot of convincing!

Should You Call Your Ex? How to Answer Your Question

Be clear in your mind about what you hope to achieve before you take any action. Impulsive or reckless behavior could blow your chances for good.

Think about using social media to reach your ex before trying direct contact, but make sure you understand and abide by the rules. You can find those here.

Unless you feel very confident of your ability not to mess up, you should consider using other ways to contact your ex after a breakup. Texting can be a more subtle way of building rapport, as it is less intrusive, and there is less chance of things getting out of control. To find out everything you need to know about using text messages to get your ex back, visit this page.

Remember that saving your relationship is your number one priority here. Go here to find out how to do just that.

Not sure what to do next?

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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Loralee

    My ex called me…I’m not sure what to do. Should I ignore him? Should I answer? I’m afraid that, if I don’t, he’ll never call me again.

    1. Sarah

      It’s difficult to answer without more information – for instance, who dumped who? But if your ex really wants you back. he will call you again.

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