What ARE the real signs your boyfriend wants you back?
You probably have a secret vision of how it will be when that light goes off in your boyfriend’s head and he realizes he’s make a HUGE mistake. That he loves you after all. That he’s really loved you all along, and that now he just HAS to get you back.
There’ll be a knock at the door; you’ll open it to find him outside with a huge bunch of flowers in his arms and an agonized expression on his face as he asks you please, please forgive him and take him back.
Or he’ll see you it the street, be overcome with emotion and regret, and rush after you to beg you to come back to him.
The thing is that, however it happens, you imagine some grand romantic gesture of abasement and regret on his part. You expect him pretty much to grovel, to acknowledge how much he hurt you and to prove that this time his love is real.
Unfortunately it’s probably not going to happen. Not like that, anyway.
This is real life, not Hollywood, and real life just isn’t like the movies.
And the worst part is that, if he DOES secretly want you back, HE has probably been dreaming up some pretty incredible scenarios himself. And he’s probably been doing some pretty unlikely things too; things you’d love to know about, but which he’d rather DIE that admit to anybody, least of all you.
And that’s the problem. He just isn’t going to broadcast to you that he really, really wants to be with you again.
So what ARE the signs your boyfriend wants you back?
Learning to See the Signs Your Boyfriend Wants You Back
Well, first you need to understand WHY the big romantic gesture is so unlikely to happen.
It’s because there are these two immutable forces holding him back: his ego; and his perception of reality.
How a Man’s Ego Gets In The Way When He Wants You Back
He thought breaking up was the right thing to do.
He’s had doubts, but dismissed them because, well, everybody has doubts after a breakup, don’t they? It’s normal to wonder if you did the right thing when you make an important decision. But really, he’s pretty sure he was right.
Now, every guy has his own way of handling a breakup. But if he’s typical of most men, he’ll try to suppress the doubts and move on with his life in his own way (to find out more about this, visit this page).
But the doubts get more, not less frequent, and to cut a long story short, eventually he’s faced with the unpleasant thought that he’s made a mistake. And if he wants to put it right, he has to back down, apologize, admit he was wrong, and ask you to come back.
No man likes the look of that scenario.
How YOU Get In The Way When He Wants You Back
And then there’s you. How do you feel about it all, now that you had some time to recover from the breakup?
Do you miss him?
Or have you moved on and decided that, after all, it was all for the best?
If you’ve been following the steps you learned in The Ex Boyfriend Guide, he certainly won’t be thinking smugly that he just has to crook his little finger to have you running back to him.
And that’s good. Because if he DID feel like that, he probably wouldn’t want you back anyway, such is the perversity of human nature.
But he’s no longer sure how you feel. And the more he wants you back, the more he doubts whether you feel the same. And the more he doubts, the more acute his fear of rejection becomes.
So he gets stuck between a rock and a hard place.
He wants you back, but he’s not sure he has a chance with you now. And he’s not going to risk making a fool of himself by declaring his feelings openly. Instead he fumbles around, making feeble and confusing attempts to find out how you feel, which leave you wondering what exactly IS going on.
So what ARE those weird and baffling signs your boyfriend wants you back?
He Keeps In Contact With You – When He Doesn’t NEED To
When a man dumps a woman and regards it as final, he’ll usually end all contact with her. If he still likes and respects you, he might try to let you down gently with a few sporadic calls at first, but they won’t last.
Of course there are reasons why you might still be in regular contact with your ex; if you still share a home, or if you work or have a child together. But if he definitely wants to move on, the contact will be business-like and impersonal.
But if your ex continues to keep in touch when he doesn’t really need to, then he might be trying to keep the lines of communication open because he’s not really sure he wants to let you go. An ex who stays in regular contact is probably an undecided ex. And the more frequently he initiates contact, the better for you.
If the calls are a bit awkward and aimless, then that is better still – he’s obviously having a lot of trouble letting you go!
This applies double if he calls you when drunk, since you are obviously the thing that is uppermost in his mind. Whether he is wildly affectionate or passionately angry, you are clearly the principal object of his emotional focus at this moment.
He Gets Angry or Emotional
If he still has ANY feelings towards you at all, that is a good sign, even if those feelings are negative or angry. The most discouraging thing would his having no feelings at all. If he is apathetic or indifferent, then it’s a strong sign he has moved on. The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.
Men only get angry and emotional when they are emotionally invested in a woman. But being aware of that himself, he may try to act indifferent. So you may have to look out for more subtle signs your boyfriend wants you back – and that he still cares.
He Wants to Talk About Your Relationship
This doesn’t mean blaming you for everything.
Immediately after a breakup both partners usually want to tell their ex how impossible they were and how everything is their fault. But if he genuinely wants to understand what went wrong, then it can mean that he wants to take responsibility for his mistakes and learn from them.
This may be just so that he can move on to a better relationship with someone else, but it could also be because he wants to rebuild a better relationship with you. Try to help him (and yourself) by talking honestly about how things were from your perspective. If you can both refrain from crossing the line into blaming, you have lots to gain from an honest conversation about the past.
Men will usually avoid this type of conversation, so if he’s rehashing the breakup then he’s probably wondering if it was a mistake. In fact any attempt to talk about “the relationship” is one of the strongest signs your boyfriend wants you back.
He Tries to Improve Himself – And Lets You Know About It
Is he working on some of the problems that caused you to break up?
Once he has decided that he wants you back, a man might try to change some of the things he remembers you disliked or disapproved of when you were together. Maybe he’s working out, looking for a job, or trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle. And if he’s really doing it to impress you, he’ll make sure you hear about it.
This is certainly a sign that he wants you back, but it won’t be much use if he’s only willing to keep the effort up until you agree to try again. If your relationship is to have a real chance, he needs to make permanent changes.
So while you should acknowledge and praise his efforts, don’t go overboard. He needs to make a much more solid commitment to a better future before you can really believe in it.
Lots of people only make an effort for long enough to get the result they want: in this case, getting you to agree to try again. Unfortunately few people can make permanent changes to themselves or their habits unless they really believe in them.
So don’t rush back into his arms. Give him time to prove that the changes he’s made are permanent, before you make any rash promises.
He Talks About the Good Times
If he starts reminiscing about the great times you had together, then he’s almost certainly missing you in the present. If you want him back, then you should stoke his memories so that they become more powerful and poignant.
The more good memories you can bring to mind about the times you shared and the fun you had, the more he will miss you and think about getting back together.
Making it clear that you share those memories will make him feel more sentimental, and more inclined to believe that you share his dreams of getting back together.
Making him feel that you are on the same wavelength will comfort him and make him feel that being together again is the most natural thing in the world. This will give him the confidence actually to try to make it happen.
He Talks About the Future
When a man talks to you about the future, it’s because he sees you as being part of it. It’s one of the most powerful signs your boyfriend wants you back.
A man who has moved on, and especially a man who has started dating someone else, will not want to talk about his new life with you. So if he is still being open about his daily life, it’s a sign that he hasn’t moved on yet, because he has nothing to hide.
And if he is talking about the future as if he sees you as a part of it, then he is definitely thinking about reconciliation, probably in the near future.
He might also be concerned about YOUR future, especially your romantic future.
You might be his ex girlfriend, but that doesn’t mean he’s indifferent to the idea of you being with someone else. Even if he’s moved on, he still won’t like to think of you with another man. And if he wants you back, the thought of another man will be enough to send him into orbit.
So if he’s fishing around for information on the romantic front, it’s another sign that he still has strong feelings for you.
He Wants to Meet Up
When he starts to make concrete plans to meet up, then he’s pretty much ready to start dating you again. He’s just not ready actually to call it dating yet.
Or maybe he doesn’t actually ask you for a date; he just seems to run into you all the time, or needs to see you for all sorts of odd reasons. Maybe he’ll suggest you call by because his dog misses you so much!
Whatever the reason, he’s clearly keen to have you back in his life in some way.
But don’t make it too easy for him.
Remember that he dumped you, so it’s up to him to make the running now. And if he really wants you back, he will make the necessary effort, as long as he thinks he has a chance and he’s making progress.
So enjoy his company, but don’t be too eager to give him what he wants. Let him work for you. He will appreciate you all the more after he’s had to put real effort into winning you back.
Remember that your boyfriend is likely to blow hot and cold while he wrestles with his doubts over the breakup. Having dumped you, he won’t find it easy to go back on his decision. So being able to recognize these signs your boyfriend wants you back will help you to keep calm during his vacillations.