Can you remember life before social networking? Just about anybody who’s ever been dumped has probably been guilty of using social media to keep an eye on their ex. So why not turn your not-so-secret obsession into something positive, and use Facebook to get your boyfriend back?
Of course, I don’t want to encourage cyber stalking.
But few people can contain their curiosity about their oh-so-recent ex enough to avoid checking out their profiles. And this applies to dumpers just as much as the dumped! Apparently we all have to know what our ex is up to!
So why not optimize your page in a way that will make you super-attractive to your boyfriend?
This is something you can do even while you are practicing No Contact.
Because so many exes use social media to check up on their former loves, the story your profile tells can have a powerful effect on your ex. So why not use Facebook to get your boyfriend back by creating a killer profile that will have him reeling at your new style and confidence.
Why You Need to Use Facebook to Get Your Boyfriend Back
Facebook is POWERFUL.
Your profile says a lot about you, and right now the message it’s sending out really matters. The way you use Facebook can have a big impact on how your boyfriend sees you over these first weeks following your breakup. Using Facebook the wrong way could seriously reduce your chances of getting him back, so you really do need to make sure you get it right. (All the rules to follow when you use Facebook to get your boyfriend back can be found here.)
Although he was the one who broke up with you, your ex boyfriend will almost certainly look at your Facebook page at some time over the next few days or weeks. And if you have loaded your profile with enough of the WOW factor, you will stop him dead in his tracks and get him thinking about you again – and thinking about you with desire and regret, rather than relief that it is over between you.
And that’s exactly the cocktail of feelings you want to create in him if you want to get him back!
How to Make Sure Your Boyfriend Is Looking at Your Facebook Page
As we’ve already seen, he probably is looking at it anyway. But just to make sure that at some point he can’t resist taking a peek at your profile, there are certain things you should do to maximize the chances of it happening.
Do not contact him through his Facebook page
You shouldn’t really be contacting him at all at this time, and commenting on his profile definitely counts as contact! But if you don’t look at his page, he’s bound to notice and wonder why, which will lead to him checking out yours!
Don’t unfriend him
You need him to be able to see your profile, and to unfriend him would be tantamount to pasting “I’m devastated! I’m really hurting about this!” all over the internet. This is not the message you want to be putting out – especially to him. Unfriending him will get all your friends asking questions and commenting all over your wall as well, and you don’t want to discuss your breakup in public at all.
Practice the No Contact Rule to Get Your Boyfriend Back
So you have kept your boyfriend as your Facebook friend, but you haven’t actually contacted him.
You are also building up your Facebook profile (as we shall see) to get under his skin. Sooner or later, the chances are that he will try to get in touch with you, probably by text or email. You will tell him that you feel you need to take a break from each other right now, so you will call him later when you are feeling more sociable. If he still wants to know what you are up to, he will have to check out your Facebook page to find out.
This is where you hit him right where it hurts with the WOW factor.
You have been using your time apart from him to put your best self forward, and get yourself into a place where he would like to be – with you.
This is why No Contact is so important.
(To find out just how important it is, and how you should use this period of No Contact, visit this page.)
What You Should Do After Your Breakup
Remember that, to your boyfriend, you are attractive.
When you first met he probably thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world. But maybe you started to let things slip a bit as you became comfortable with him; and even if you didn’t, he has got used to your looks by now.
It’s a fact of life that men are very visual creatures.
You Need to Remind Him Just How Stunning You Really Are
It’s a weird quirk of male psychology that in his mind how you look is an important barometer of how you feel about him. It’s important to a man that his wife or girlfriend doesn’t stop making an effort to look good for him. When you do, he feels that you are starting to care less about him; almost as if you are disrespecting him. Men will never tell you this kind of thing, partly because it’s dangerous territory that he enters at his peril, and partly because he probably wouldn’t know how to explain it anyway.
Your looks matter to men – sorry, but they do
So your appearance is an important weapon in your armory for getting him back, and you should start working right away on looking as gorgeous as possible. There are lots of things you can do to make you look so good that you will stop him in his tracks when he eventually sees you again.
Eating well and exercising regularly for great skin and hair
Losing some weight if you have started to spread a little
Wearing clothes that flatter and show off your sexy curves
Making a small change to your hairstyle (something with an added WOW factor)
Always looking great (you never know when you might run into him, or one of his friends)
Then you reflect all this in your Facebook profile.
So when your boyfriend sees it, he won’t be thinking “She looks even worse that I remember – thank goodness I broke up with her”. Instead he’ll be going “WOW, she looks amazing! Why on earth did I let her go?”
(Visit this page to find out more about how looking your best is crucial to win your ex boyfriend back.)
How to Use Facebook to Get Your Boyfriend Back – the Perfect Facebook Profile
The power of Facebook is the picture it paints of you and your life.
Your boyfriend will be expecting you to be depressed, moping and feeling that your life is going out of your control. You are going to show him just how wrong he is.
You can do that by constructing the perfect Facebook profile.
You might try a useful exercise here. Go through the profiles of your friends (and those of their friends if you can see them), and note down the ones that stand out and catch your eye. Try to work out what they have that makes them attractive and appealing.
A profile picture and cover photo that appeals, and says something different about her
Plenty of friends of both sexes, with plenty of pictures
Lots of interaction and people commenting on your wall
New people and new things happening in your life now
This is the kind of profile that will catch a man’s eye.
Your Profile Picture
Your profile picture is crucial if you want to use Facebook to get your boyfriend back.
The most important thing you need to do is change it. Your boyfriend knows how you used to look. You want to startle him with something different.
The Profile Picture Rules
The best profile picture is a close up of your face (and shoulders – you don’t want it to look like a mugshot). This shows confidence and poise, and tells your boyfriend that he hasn’t destroyed your self-esteem.
You can look glamorous…or you can look natural.
Either is fine. It just has to reflect who you are.
Avoid anything overtly sexy – very low tops, short skirts and especially underwear. You want to look subtly alluring. You don’t want to look as if you have taken up a new career in the leisure business.
Wear something simple and striking in a bold color
Make sure the background is neutral and doesn’t have anything in it that distracts the eye from seeing YOU. A slightly side-angled look is often more alluring than a full face shot, so consider standing sideways onto the camera, or looking over your shoulder. Practice looking in the mirror first to decide on your best side.
Keep the light soft and flattering
If you are taking the shot outside, consider the angle of the sun. If you have a particularly sexy figure, you might want to include a bit more of your body than just your head and shoulders, but make sure your pose is natural and inviting.
DON’T use a selfie
Get someone else to take the picture, so that your face and body are in proportion. You just can’t get far enough away from yourself to take a good, flattering photo. You can crop it to create the effect you want later.
DO be alone
Don’t have anyone else in the picture – especially a man. And don’t include friends, pets or children either. This is all about YOU.
DO remember to smile
Her smile is the first thing a man notices about a woman.
Does Your Cover Photo Matter?
A lot of people tend to think that cover photos don’t matter. And that’s probably true when they don’t work. But you want to make your cover photo work for you.
Your cover photo should blend with your profile picture to say something about YOU.
Lots of people tend to go for something abstract when choosing their cover photo, or for something neutral like a landscape or a flower. This is a missed opportunity.
Try to make your cover photo say something about you; your life, your aspirations, your dreams or the things you enjoy. The best cover photos tell a story, evoke memories or hint at an exciting future.
Don’t, however, try to evoke memories of your past relationship.
For a start, it has just failed, so it is poor salesmanship. And most importantly, you don’t want your boyfriend to get a smug feeling of satisfaction when he sees that you are thinking about him.
Your Other Pictures – What Do They Say About You?
Men are like children – they always look at the pictures first.
So having wowed him with your fabulous new profile picture, you mustn’t let the standard drop when it comes to the rest of your photos.
Your boyfriend will look at them before he pays any attention to who is commenting on your wall.
Your pictures should tell a story of your new life as a single woman. They should be fun, flattering and fascinating. Reject any picture that doesn’t make you look good, and try to persuade your friends not to post unflattering pictures of you either.
You want to look busy and sociable
Make sure some of your pictures have men in them, preferably men your boyfriend doesn’t know. This shows him that you are not moping at home, that you are meeting new men and making new friends – in short, it builds your social value. Let him know that, if you decided to start dating again, you’d have plenty of choice.
You don’t want him to think that you have already found someone else.
But you want him to be aware of the possibility. You want him to know that you have options. And you want him to know that you are living a fun, interesting and social life.
The Wrong Photos
Falling out of a club in the early hours after having had too much to drink. In fact, try to avoid any pictures of you drinking. It will look to your boyfriend as if you are drowning your sorrows, and convince him that you are missing him already.
Getting physical with other men, or letting them get physical with you. Jealousy is a powerful weapon when you use Facebook to get your boyfriend back, but you must be clever and subtle in the way you use it.
Any picture that hints you may be feeling sad, desperate or thinking about your boyfriend.
This is too physical…and this is too desperate.
The Right Photos
Lots of pictures of you out with your friends. Make sure there are guys in them as well as girls.
Pictures showing you having fun at crowded events. This raises your popularity quotient and consequently your social value.
Holiday photos, especially of you looking great on a beach in your bikini.
Pictures of interesting and exciting places you have been visiting.
This is a great picture – happy, positive and adventurous!
Your Status Updates
What do most women do after a breakup?
They post all their emotional angst, in great detail, when it happens, as it happens, all over their Facebook page. They tell everybody, including (fatally) their ex boyfriend, every detail over their emotional turmoil. They let it all hang out.
You are going to be different
You are not going to let your ex know how much power he still has over you.
You are not going to let him know that his actions are hurting you. Your Facebook updates are all going to be positive, upbeat and optimistic.
Your boyfriend expects you to be hurt, angry, depressed and unhappy.
The smartest thing you can do now is to surprise him by showing him how well you are coping. He has not beaten you. You are going to survive.
You are making sure that you have an active social life
Your Facebook updates are all going to confirm this. When you confound your boyfriend’s expectations by not moping and pouring out your heart on Facebook, you will make him start to wonder if he ever really knew you at all. And this is exactly the effect you want to create.
A woman with a fun and interesting life is attractive. She projects high social value. She is the kind of woman a man wants to be with.
She is also in a position of power
This is where you can use the demon jealousy to your advantage.
Use Facebook to Get Your Boyfriend Back By Making Him Jealous
You have already made sure that your photo gallery has pictures in it of you with other men.
It’s important that none of these men look as if they are your new boyfriend, but it’s equally important to make it clear that they’d like to be – and that you are not going to wait around for ever for things to change.
But you need to keep the photos suggestive, not inflammatory.
If your boyfriend thinks that you have moved on with another guy, he is more likely to congratulate himself on a lucky escape than come storming after you to drag you back into his arms.
So keep your photos suggestive, not conclusive.
This is perfect – he obviously likes her, but she probably just sees him a friend – or does she?
Post flirtatious pictures of you with men who are clearly attracted to you, but leave your boyfriend guessing whether you are attracted to them. Plant the idea in your boyfriend’s mind that you have the option to move on with another guy, but you haven’t made up your mind yet whether that’s what you really want.
You want to give him a sense of urgency about the future, as well as making him feel jealous and angry because you are getting lots attention from other attractive guys. Let him know that he hasn’t got forever in which to change his mind.
Less Is More Here
Keep it subtle and suggestive, without turning your boyfriend right off you. Jealousy can be a powerful incentive to make a man aware that he doesn’t really want to lose you after all. But you don’t want to inflame him. You just want to keep him guessing.
You can get your boyfriend back, but you need to have a plan. In fact, what you need more that anything is The Ex Boyfriend Guide.
Without a plan, you won’t have a focus or a direction that will prevent you making mistakes. You must have a strategy for the days and weeks ahead; a strategy that will work for you. To make sure yours is the right strategy, click the link below.
This Post Has 12 Comments
My profile picture is of my dog. Should I change it to one of me?
How about one of you and your dog having some fun together?
I’m not on Facebook but have been thinking of signing up. Do you think I should so that I can use it to try and get my ex back, or would that just look obvious and desperate?
Not necessarily. It might be quite a natural thing to do if you are moving on and starting a new life without him.
My ex broke up with me last week. I don’t use Facebook much and so I’m worried that if I suddenly start posting he will become suspicious that I am doing it on purpose just to make him jealous. What should I do?
Perhaps using Facebook isn’t the best method for you to get you boyfriend back. Try reading this article for some more advice and suggestions.
Yes that’s what i am doing. And i had a lot of compliments from his guy friends at our office about the vacation i had recently… we’re colleagues and we see each other everyday… i bought new dresses and styled my hair.. so im letting him see that i am not affected by the break up which i am really… but as what they said “fake it till you make it” also i am at the 10th day of no contact as of the moment.. we broke up because i said mean things to his family (it was not intentional).. then his siblings were so mad at me and thats when he broke things off… i already apologize to everyone before the official break up.. afterwards he finally broke up with me plus he is not speaking to his siblings (at that moment, i am not sure if he is now ok with his family)… i did the begging, pleading during the break up and finally realised everything after 2 months…we talked and he was so resentful… i spoke to him calmly that i respected his decision of breaking things off.. and i wish him that he could be happy on whatever the future would bring.. i did not ask if we could get back together after the talk and i just let him be.. i gave him the break up.. now i am now at this stage.. but i am still hoping that he would come back to me… we’ve been together for almost 2 years.. we see each other everyday and even after our date nights we have a habit of talking after dating through txt or messenger… so it happen way to fast and i am praying and hoping that things would get better… he told me when he initially said lets cool things off that he was genuinely happy with me and i showed him that he is capable of what love is….so should i still hope? Or I’ll just move on? Everyday i see him he is ignoring him… he glanced but he is not reaching out.. were still friends on facebook.. he still has our pictures together on his profile and i am still tagged through all of them… am i doing the right thing to lure him back to me? i hope you can reply to comment
Put some real distance between you.
At the moment he has the continued solace of your company without having to be in a relationship with you. That will be helping him to adjust to life without you.
So stop seeing him. Practice real no contact. Take a holiday. Be ill. And look for another job, so you don’t have to see him every day.
Force him to earn your company, or do without it.
My ex has been posting lots of pictures of him with a new girl. I know her slightly, they’ve been friends for a long time. But now it looks as if they are a couple. I don’t know what to do. How can I stop him falling for her?
You can’t. You’ll just have to hope it’s a rebound and won’t last long. But are you sure they are a couple, and that he isn’t doing it just to rile you?
I’ve been following – alright, stalking – my ex on facebook. He’s spending a lot of time with a girl we both know. He keeps posting pictures of them together, and it’s driving me nuts. What should I do? I’ve been trying to do no contact, but I don’t think it’s working. Why is he doing this? Have I lost him for good?
There are lots of reasons why your boyfriend might do this. If he broke up with you, then maybe it was because he wanted to be with this other girl. If you broke up with him, he might have moved on with her, or he might just be trying to make you jealous. Does he say she’s his girlfriend? Or is he being mysterious about their relationship?
You say you’ve been doing no contact. Have you explicitly told him this? If so, maybe this is just his reaction to it. Have a look at this article to find out more about how men react to breakups.
The best thing you can do is to stop stalking him, and concentrate on moving on. When you are ready (and not before, go here to find out how to tell), if you still want him back, then try texting him.