So you’ve been conscientiously following the No Contact rule for several weeks and then – wham! Right out of the blue, your ex contacts you.
What do you do?
Well, the No Contact rule is essential for women who want to get their boyfriends back, but it is not a straightjacket. And if your ex contacts you during the No Contact period, it’s fine to respond. (For everything you need to know about the No Contact rule, visit this page.)
Don’t be taken in by the idea that the No Contact rule is inflexible. If your boyfriend calls (or texts, or emails), you shouldn’t ignore him. Actually it’s a great sign. It shows that No Contact is working, and that your ex is thinking of you.
In fact, this is your chance to show him how well you are doing. But how you respond depends on how your ex contacts you.
If He Texts or Emails
If your ex contacts you by text or email, don’t respond immediately. Yes, I know you’ve been waiting weeks just for that, but he mustn’t suspect it. You’re not spending your days checking your texts and emails, at least as far as he’s concerned. You’re much too busy for that.
So leave it at least 3 hours before replying to a text, and 24 hours for an email. And when you do, make sure you follow these rules (for the complete rules to follow when getting your ex back with text messages, go here).
Keep your message short
You haven’t got enough time to send a long message, and you certainly don’t want to tell him everything you’ve been doing. But dropping in a bit about some recent highlight in your life is great. Make it just enough to intrigue him, so that he wants to know more.
Sound happy and carefree
Even if you still cry over him every night, you must sound happy and upbeat in your texts. Use capitals, exclamation marks, emoticons; whatever is in character to show how excited you are about your life. It’s a great idea to be prepared in advance, so whenever you do something interesting or fun, make a mental note to use it in future texts to your ex.
Make sure you end the conversation
Don’t keep up a dialogue, texting back and forth until you run out of things to say. When he replies, say you’re out with friends or going into a meeting and you’ll talk later. If he doesn’t reply, then it was just a “fishing” message, and you should ignore him if he messages you again in a few days. Let him text 2 or 3 times before you reply again. Make him work for your attention.
For more tips about using text messages to get your ex back, visit this page.
If He Calls
If your ex contacts you by phone, you need to be careful. Think of talking on the phone as a high risk strategy. It’s all too easy for a live conversation to veer off-piste and end in disaster.
If you feel confident enough to handle it, it’s OK to answer. Sound happy to speak to him, and make it clear you’re doing fine. Keep the conversation brief, and above all, avoid talking about the past. If he gets angry or emotional, excuse yourself immediately and say you have to go.
As with messaging, make sure you end the conversation first.
If you don’t think you can handle a call yet, then don’t answer. Instead, just text him back in about an hour. Say you’re sorry to have missed him but you’ve haven’t time to talk today. Say that you hope all is well, and you’ll talk later.
Leave Him to Contact You Again
You may think that, as he contacted you first this time, you should be the one to text first next time.
In this situation, it should always be your ex contacts you. Even if you told him you’d call him later, don’t. Wait for him to call or text you. You don’t want him to think you were so overwhelmed by one message from him that now you are his to command.
He will value you the more for how hard he has to work for you. So don’t make it too easy.
Keep the Emotional Temperature Cool
Avoid all possible drama.
That means not discussing your past relationship, or who you or he is dating now. If he tries to do any of this, steer the conversation back to safe, happy subjects, or end the call completely. Don’t drop hints about the men you are seeing. Deliberately trying to make him jealous will just make you look desperate. The jealousy tool is best left to your Facebook page (for more about that, visit this page).
Above all don’t let him needle or upset you. Make sure you stay in control of the conversation.
So if your ex contacts you during the No Contact period, accept it as something positive and use it to your advantage. Follow these rules to make sure your plan stays on track. If you want to know more about how to handle talking to your ex, then visit this page.