You cheated on your boyfriend but now you want him back.

But why?

Have you realized that you’ve made a terrible mistake, for which you’re now genuinely sorry? Or are you just panicking about the thought of facing life without your reliable old standby of a boyfriend?

You cheated on your boyfriend – that means you’ve made a serious mistake, and you should know right away that there’s no easy way to put it right. Men are not very forgiving when it comes to cheating, and that includes the reliable old standby. You have to understand why you did it, and why you now regret it and want him back. Unless you have some really good answers to these questions, you won’t have any secure foundation on which to rebuild your relationship.

You Cheated On Your Boyfriend – Why?

Men and women usually have very different reasons for cheating, and these reasons are crucial to whether or not you can be forgiven. So what are they?

Why men cheat

Men tend to cheat because they like sex and when the opportunity comes up they find it hard to say no; and because they think they can get away with it. In many cases they still love their wives or girlfriends, and don’t see it as being a big deal. Of course there’s a lot of moral chicanery going on here, but some men are just weak or ambivalent, or have double standards, and the result is that they cheat.

i cheated on my boyfriend

A man is more prone to cheating if his relationship is unhappy or unsatisfying, and the other woman offers him whatever he is not getting from his girlfriend; whether it is sex, fun, appreciation, respect or some other quality that makes him feel good about himself. If it’s not just about sex, then he is probably looking for admiration and appreciation.

Either he wants to be superman, or superstud.

Why women cheat

Women tend to cheat because their emotional needs aren’t being met. Some women do cheat for sex, but more often it’s because the other man pays her the attention her boyfriend or husband no longer bothers to give her.

Some men relax a bit too much once they feel that they have “won” their wives or girlfriends. This results in a woman who feels increasingly taken for granted. A woman who cheats will often say she felt unappreciated or ignored or lonely, and that her boyfriend didn’t listen to her any more.

This means that women are more likely to have an affair with someone who is part of their social group – a friend, a co-worker, or someone from their wider social circle. They are likely to see the man as someone who is more attentive, appreciative and understanding – or at least appears to be.

I cheated on my boyfriend
At first it was just work…and then we started talking…

The crux of this is that men tend to have less emotional investment in their reasons for cheating. This colors their perception of how they should respond when you cheat.

Do a Bit of Soul Searching

So you need to think hard about why you cheated on your boyfriend , because when you fully understand your reasons you will also know whether your relationship is worth saving. Cheating can be a sign that something is seriously lacking between you and your boyfriend, something important enough to prevent you ever being truly happy together.

It’s useful to make a list of all the good and the bad aspects of your relationship. Put them side by side in columns, and see how they look together in the cold light of day. Are they about the same length, or is one significantly longer than the other? When you see the positive and the negative set out so starkly, it should be much easier to see just how good your relationship really was.

I cheated on my boyfriend

You need a healthy weight of positives to save this relationship. You need to have sufficient motivation yourself, and the prize needs to be worth winning for your boyfriend to be willing to forgive you.

Be realistic. Would you be better off trying to move on?

You Cheated On Your Boyfriend – Time to Face Reality

Cheating is not easy to overlook. It’s not like a row that will cool down and give you the chance to sort things out later. It is a betrayal, a serious breach of faith. You are going to have to regain your boyfriend’s trust.

You must show HIM that you are taking this seriously.

Tell him you are sorry that you hurt him; and that you want to give him some time to get over it. You should ask him whether, for now, he wants to stay in touch with you. If he doesn’t, you will have to respect this and give him some time alone.

You will want to try to patch things up as soon as possible, because you want the pain you caused him and the pain you are now feeling to go away. That’s natural. But you have to make allowances for his feelings, and right now the emotions between you will be running high.

  • You need to give your ex some time to heal.
  • You need to be clear in your own mind about why you cheated, and whether your relationship can be saved.
  • You need to give your ex a chance to come to terms with your betrayal. This is the only way he can know if he is willing to try again.

You Cheated On Your Boyfriend – What Should You Say To Him Now?

When the time comes to reach out to your boyfriend, a text message or an email can be more effective than a call, because it is less threatening. You need to communicate with him, but first you must earn the right to call him.

With a text or email, you can control the temperature of the conversation. Start with casual messages that are designed to catch up and keep in touch. Don’t suggest meeting up, or talk about your relationship. And don’t bombard him with messages. Send one, and then wait for him to answer. If he doesn’t reply, leave it for another week or two. Then try another message that is completely unrelated to the last one. You need to make him feel comfortable enough to want to talk to you.

For a complete low-down on how to use text messages to get your ex boyfriend back, visit this page.

If he’s blocked you from texting and email, you may have to try sending him a letter.

But you’ll have to face the possibility that he won’t be able to forgive you, even if a part of him would like to. Women find the emotional connection hardest to forgive. But for men, the sexual element is just as hard to get past – maybe even harder. A lot will depend on how long and how strong your relationship was, and how powerful his motivation is to salvage it.

Sometimes the effort just won’t seem worth it. Obviously a married man with children has far more to lose, and therefore is more likely at least to try to patch things up, than a man with a girlfriend of a few weeks or months.

Why Men Can’t Forgive Women Who Cheat

What is it about sexual infidelity that makes it so hard for a man to forgive a woman who cheats?

The double standard between men and women means that women are far more likely to stay with a cheating partner – and believe him when he promises not to do it again. The degree of emotional involvement is a big factor for women, but the ultimate deal breaker is when a man fathers another woman’s child. This is very hard for a woman to forgive.

For men though, the sexual infidelity alone is enough.

It isn’t that men don’t care about the emotional infidelity: they do. It’s just that they take it for granted; that it’s part and parcel of the whole thing. After all, you wouldn’t have had sex with him if you didn’t have feelings for him, would you?

Why sexual infidelity is so devastating to men

Men are visual people and think about sex a lot.

So if a man’s wife or girlfriend cheats, he can’t stop thinking about it and imagining his woman “in the act” with another man. He can often become obsessed with it: how much she enjoyed it, what she did for the lover that she never did for him, what she got from the lover that he didn’t give her, and so on and so on.

Above all is the thought that she couldn’t really have cared about him, or been happy with him, or she wouldn’t have done it.

As he sees it, men have sex easily, but women need to be wooed and won. Therefore, if a woman cheats, it must be important to her.

Another man has taken what he believed was his.

Many men believe women can’t have sex without emotions – and to an extent, they are right. Women do find it harder than men to be sexually intimate while remaining emotionally uninvolved, at least over the long term.

So it becomes a black and white issue to him. Either she loves the other man, or she is worthless, because she will have meaningless sex.

And a woman who has meaningless sex can’t be trusted.

This is where the double standard between men and women remains very much alive. It may be wrong or unfair, but it’s a deeply emotional thing, and emotions are not subject to reason or the rules of equality.

So you are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

How a woman becomes the victim of the double standard

Either you had feelings for this other man, and therefore the betrayal is absolute; or you didn’t and so you could never be trusted again; because you could have sex with any man who shows an interest in you.

“Men can forgive themselves for their indiscretions, but find it much harder to forgive their partners for the same,” says therapist Phillip Hodson, Fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. “For a betrayed woman, an affair is an offence against her dignity. For a betrayed man, it’s an offence against his manhood. It goes right to the core of his identity.”

Men see themselves as providers and protectors. In fact they often feel that their efforts as providers go unappreciated by women. And by taking a lover, his woman is telling him – and the world – that he wasn’t enough for her in this crucial way.

The feelings of humiliation and failure can be devastating.

Some Difficult Aspects to Face About a Woman Cheating

It remains true that women are far more likely to forgive and remain with a cheater than men. At the heart of this dichotomy lie two truths that don’t sit easily with modern concepts regarding male and female roles, with feminism, or with the politically correct view of women’s role in relationships.

Women are seen – and often actively raised – as nurturers, to show empathy and compassion for others; men on the other hand will protect and defend while showing little inclination for forgiveness. This quality places a woman at the center of the household, so that her betrayal creates a fracture in the essential structure that wounds – fatally – the whole relationship.

It is impossible to put it back together in a way that repairs it to a point where it becomes viable again.

There’s also the purely biological aspect of the sexual act, which makes women the receivers of the male organ and seed. Knowing that another man has “invaded” their woman may be an aspect of the betrayal that is tormenting to a man, although in this PC world many would have difficulty admitting to it, and I can already hear the howls of outrage from the feminists.

But I strongly suspect that it is significant and even goes right to the heart of the matter; and since it’s to do with how a man feels, saying you disapprove of it is rather pointless. But then anybody who lives by dogma will always have trouble facing reality.

You Cheated On Your Boyfriend – How Do You Earn Back His Trust?

This is where actions speak much louder than words.

  • Drop all connection with the other man. If it means changing your job, your gym or your hobbies, then do it. He must know that you are serious about never seeing the other man again. There are bound to be a lot of problems regarding trust, and you may have to be tolerant of his suspicions for a long time to come. This is why you should be very sure that your relationship is worth it.
  • Make him feel important, and be prepared to put yourself second for a while. You have indulged yourself by having this liaison. Now it’s his turn to be indulged.
  • Keep looking great. You should never let your feelings of guilt and regret take control of your life. It might seem superficial, but letting yourself go physically at this time would be a big mistake. Whatever else they are, men are visual creatures and they will always find it harder to turn their backs on a gorgeous and sexy woman. Do your best to look amazing. It’s seems shallow, but men really do notice and care about this.
  • Give it time. Trust is a difficult thing to rebuild, and there’s no timetable for it. You must face the possibility that he may never completely trust you again. You need to be sure that you can live with that dichotomy.

You Cheated On Your Boyfriend – What Next?

Take things slowly. The more you try to hurry, the more likely you are to make a mistake. Accept that you have a mountain to climb, and that you need to plan each step carefully. So don’t press him into making promises or commitments before he’s ready for it.

Remember that men handle breakups very differently from women, so don’t always expect to understand his motives or behavior. (To find out more about how men handle breakups, visit this page).

You can find out more about how to get your ex boyfriend back by visiting this page, where you’ll find a multi-layer, detailed plan set out for you, ready to follow.

For the ultimate “get your ex boyfriend back” guide, you need The Ex Boyfriend Guide which tells you everything you need to know about men, breakups and how to mend relationships. Find out more by clicking the link below.

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53 thoughts on “You Cheated On Your Boyfriend – How Can You Get Him Back?

  1. I cheat on my boyfriend with 2 guys and we where outside and we where very drunk and we sit down on the grass and we where just looking at the sun and then they kissed me just like mommy kiss and I didn’t tell my boyfriend but I did tell my best friend and then after like one week me and my boyfriend where in a argument and I called my ex and I told him that a miss him not like that I did just miss him on a friendly way and after that did my best friend told her other friend who is not my friend anymore because she is dramatic bitch and she have always be jealous at me and she told my boyfriend and He got very very angry that I get I get it and now is he bailing on me but we met and we talked earlier and he cried and i cried to and he was hugging me and then we got into his home and I hope we are just really good friend like just best friend but I don’t want do be just friend and he knows it but he says I want to be with you but I can’t trust you anymore and we are going to work it out I hope so we are just going to talk about it tomorrow and I really hope that we can be together again:/

    1. You sound like a child. Probably a dozen more chapters have been added to this saga by now.

  2. i cheated in him bcoz he was always angry on me he loved me very much but never showed me i was in a sex conversation with one of my very good frnd and my bf read it on my insta after 3 days he toold me now i dont know what to do i am afraid of lossing him he has always helped me i just wish everthing gets okh

    1. Why was he always angry? There’s little happiness to be found with such a person as you have clearly discovered. You say he has ‘always helped you’: well, perhaps it’s time to find help elsewhere. Perhaps it’s time to help yourself.

      1. i dont know what to do just want him back cant live without him i luv him very much and so him he is sort of that nature only that is loose temper easily pls i beg u to help mee i want him back i cant live without him

        1. if i am texteing him he is seeing and just leaving i kno it was my mistake and i wont do it again he is giving my replies by posting stories on instsa

          1. i mean i ll not repeate pls help i beg of u

            1. I’m afraid no-one can make your ex a better person. But time and reflection can bring you to see it.

          2. That is not a nice thing to do. Don’t be so ready to take the blame for everything.

        2. Then he needs to learn some self-control for the sake of the people he lives with.

          1. i got my boy back today thank god he has forgiven mee i am happy for us

            1. I am happy for you. Good luck!

  3. I cheated on my boyfriend because one night I went for clubbing and I didn’t told him that time I got too much drunk and one my friends brother who worked as a bartender at that bar came to drop me at my home I was so drunk that I dont remember anything tomorrow morning I came to know that I had sex with him and saw him next to me..I didn’t told my boyfriend that time but after 4 days he came to know by one of his friend and that time I confess him and he did broke up with me…I love him so much I want him back I really regret about that incident please help me with this?

    1. Learn a lesson from this and never get so drunk again: it never ends well. However the price most people pay is cringing embarrassment at the memory; unfortunately you are paying a higher price. Take responsibility for your actions by telling your ex you are truly sorry for all the hurt caused but that you accept it is over between you. You can’t force someone to forgive you, but at least you can regain a little self-respect and perhaps get him to see in a better light too.

      Try reading this article for some insights into forgiving a cheater.

  4. I cheated on my boyfriend. 1.5 years back, we were two different people, I was immature and too extrovert, He is a introvert man with strong values and belief, emotional connection was missing in our relationship as he was so busy with work, even he tried his best to give me as much time he could. I messed up big time, I met a guy he used to hear me out, understand things but that was just one part of the expectation that I was getting from him, slowly slowly this guy start manipulating me and finally I cheated on my bf, my bf used to tell me he is very manipulative don’t talk to him, I never listen to him, one fine day my bf got the entire 2 years of chat on his whats app through one girl and he got devastated, I saw him crying like anything, He never slept with me, we were saving for marriage and I messed up big time, even though there are problem in our relationship but I realised after 1.5 year that all relationship are not perfect and it takes time to build it and. I was happy with him, even he started understanding me emotionally and then this chat destroyed everything, he blocked me from everywhere and he don’t want to see my face. I love him so much, we both invested 3 years in this relationship and he forget all the time we invest in each other
    Note- he is very religious and having sex with someone is zina

    1. “…emotional connection was missing in our relationship…”

      At the beginning of any relationship based on love, emotional connection should be the last thing that is missing. Which leads me to ask, what was the motivation for you to be together?

      Emotional connection can certainly take a battering over time, but evidently for you it was never there. And everything you say suggests that you let this man set all the rules for your relationship. That is not a situation that is likely to lead to either happiness or fulfilment for you. What about your opinions, your views, your needs? You also say that there were problems in the relationship. All in all, it’s very hard to see why you should want to hold on to it when it has brought you so little. And should you try to rebuild it, what would the future really be like? You say this man is very religious and that “having sex with someone is zina”: do you really think he will ever forgive you? Don’t you think it’s possible that every time you do something even slightly wrong, this will be dragged back up and thrown in your face again?

      A good relationship should bring joy. Stop seeing yourself through this man’s eyes and start using your own. You are not a bad person, and you have the right to look for happiness. Think very carefully about whether you could ever find it with him.

      1. You are right, we both are different personality but love for each other is equal, I know the circumstances of living with orthodox family because I am also from one of them, I feel bad that I made him suffer like anything, I love him a lot and even if I get getting him back in my life , I have no idea things was going to be same or different. My mind is not working

        1. Was he making you happy, even before this happened? It didn’t sound like it. If your relationship didn’t begin with happiness, it’s most unlikely to come later.

  5. I cheated on my boyfriend last summer. We were together for almost 2 years which most of it was long distance. I called him and told him that I cheated on him and we broke up. Then I went into a relationship with the other guy, but he was very manipulative and we broke up about six months later. Another month passed and I texted my ex that I want to talk to him over the phone and told him how sorry I was for cheating. I also asked him if we wants to go out sometime, but he told me he can’t put himself through that and that he only wants to have sex with me because some emotions don’t go away. At first I said no, but then I agreed because I really wanted to see him. Since then I go to his place whenever I can and have sex with him. In person he is really sweet and caring, but through texts he’s hot and cold. I want him back but I don’t know what to do. If you could help me I would be really greatfull

    1. He also told me at the beginning he can never forgive me for that.

      1. Yes, men usually say that. And they frequently mean it too. This article might help you with some ideas.

    2. If you want him back, don’t sleep with him. Only have sex when he is willing to commit to you again, otherwise you have simply become a friend with benefits. And once you have become a man’s FWB, the chances of you ever becoming his girlfriend are virtually zero. Try looking here for how to be friends without benefits.

  6. I HATE the excuse that women are given that they cheat for EMOTIONAL reasons. For two reasons: 1) It inherently places the blame for the affair on the man. That if he didn’t hide his feelings, that if he only listened to her more often, etc., she wouldn’t have cheated. Whereas the reasons why men cheat are ALWAYS depicted as being more superficial 2) It ignores the truthful fact that cheating ALWAYS happens due to a moral or ethical flaw, and yes, this even includes a partner getting drunk and putting themselves in a position where they can be taken advantage of. You just do not cheat, EVER. Period. It is a CHOICE. Break up the relationship if you must. Also, good luck getting your boyfriend to forgive your cheating. I’ve had two women do it on me, and I told them when we committed that if they ever did it, I would never speak to them ever again. I walked right out in both cases. Never answered an email, text, flowers, nothing. Out of here. Zero second chances. Women, due to their evolutionally biological makeup as mothers, have a better capacity for forgiving. It is a necessity for being a good mom. Men hold grudges again people who have wronged them. Men already have raging testosterone in their system, and then they live in an American society that teaches them from their teenage years that he who has the most sex with the most girls wins. It takes a great deal of maturity for a male to commit to woman, so for a woman to cheat on him, it’s unforgivable. I also think this article doesn’t understand that as women enter the workforce more, they have greater access to men. Taller, stronger, more attractive men that their boyfriends who might be short and balding. They have unprecedented access to attractive men for affairs.

    1. You may dislike it, but that doesn’t make it untrue. And if you read the article properly you will see that I do make it quite clear that the chances of the woman being forgiven is low, which you obviously haven’t considered is an inequality between the sexes that acts against women, not men.

      It is certainly true that infidelity is a choice, but anyone as rigidly unforgiving as you sound on this issue might be equally harsh on other transgressions; which would not make for a happy or harmonious relationship of equals.

      1. Men cheat for more than physical reasons, alot more than you know. I personally cheated on my partner when my grandmother died because the other woman actually listened to me. That woman created a safe space for me to express my feelings without that man up BS. I have known quite a few male friends, all cheated due to emotional reasons. Us men may “say” it was due to physical or drunk or whatever, typically its emotionally driven as well. Either way men will continue to fool their women into believing otherwise because when they try to open up and be emotional they get shut down. I have been in relationships where i treated the woman like an equal, it wasn’t as successful as the relationship where I just be the man and lead the relationship. Women don’t want men for emotion, they want them for support/resources. When we truly reach a point of equality women will look back and laugh at how silly they are to believe me are so emotionless, not driven by emotion at all. We are all emotionally driven creatures, its crazy to think otherwise. The things we tell ourselves to delude us from reality.

        1. Thank you for such an honest and intelligent post.

          It’s true that many women do look to men for leadership so I’m not surprised that you say those were your most successful relationships. But clearly they didn’t make YOU happy, so from your point of view they weren’t really successful at all, were they? The funny thing is that the way men try to sell relationship products to women is by telling them that this is how you can make a man ‘open up’! Clearly there’s a dichotomy here where neither men nor women are meeting the people who would make them happy. Why is this?

          I’m afraid I can’t give you a straight answer to that: probably no-one could. While the idea of The One is thankfully a myth, it’s founded on the truth that it’s not easy to meet someone you can truly click with, mentally, emotionally and sexually. That’s just a fact of life and we all have to live with it.

          As for the woman with whom you cheated on your girlfriend, did that lead to a real relationship with her, or not? And if not, why not? Where did that possibly for a relationship of equals fall down? Please try not to get into a place where you are laying all the blame on the women when a relationship fails, as that will never lead to happiness.

  7. I was in a long distance relationship with a married guy and it was so difficult because I felt like (or I was) just a side chick, knowing that he still has a wife who posted stuff about their “married life” on her social media, and he always went back to the apartment he shared with his wife. Although he repeatedly told me he hasn’t touched his wife for a while and that he was working on amicably going their separate ways, things didn’t seem to progress and I told him we were done. We didn’t talk for over a month, and I met someone else to get over him. Of course, this is never the way to get over someone because I was never over the married guy. He and I reconnected and started spending some time again (by then, my relationship with the rebound guy had ended), but one day he asked me if I had slept with anyone else before we reconnected. I told him the truth, and he got mad and left me. He finally explained to me over a text that he loved me, that his wife moved out that weekend, that they broke the news to her family, and that he found a job where he and I could finally be together, but he feels like an idiot for doing all this because of what I did. I told him why I did what I did and asked him for a second chance. He then told me if I want to show him that he ever mattered anything to me, to never contact him again. I haven’t contacted him since because I want to show him that I truly care about him, but I’m scared to ever contact him now. Should I still contact him after the “no contact” period even though he told me not to, or should I work on getting over him?

    Thank you for reading this long story.

    1. “…he repeatedly told me he hasn’t touched his wife for a while…” – this is standard issue for men having affairs, and should always be treated with extreme skepticism.

      “…he was working on amicably going their separate ways, [but] things didn’t seem to progress…” – also standard issue, etc.

      “…but one day he asked me if I had slept with anyone else before we reconnected. I told him the truth, and he got mad and left me”. This is frankly outrageous. A man who is not offering exclusivity has ABSOLUTELY NO right to ask, let alone expect it.

      I would also be skeptical of his claim to have ended his marriage that very weekend (what a coincidence) together with his request never to contact him again. The two hardly go happily together: however it’s a very good suggestion.

      The brutal truth is that men who have affairs don’t often leave their wives unless the wife herself boots them out. They much prefer having their cake and eating it. And even when given the boot, they often don’t end up with the mistress, but with someone else altogether. Take this man at face value and don’t contact him again. Make him prove he’s sincere by forcing to come after you, but don’t expect him to, because he probably won’t. And never get involved again with a man who isn’t free, because you will lose every time.

  8. I cheated on my boyfriend of a year and half relationship with a guy I met at work. In the span of our relationship, we’ve only spent time for a month in total. We are in a long distance relationship. He’s in the forces. And so physical touch was lacking very often. A guy at work seemed to like me and things went deeply as I expected. I was craving for that physical connection not necessarily in bed but the “I’m here for you” hugs. We have a very big time difference between us and now I just don’t know how to fix this. Currently, we’re still communicating but the sweetness and romance is gone and its like I’m talking to a complete stranger. But I refuse to give up on him. We’re both in a depressed state. What do you think I should do?

    1. Did you and you ex have any firm plans for the future, or were you just drifting from meeting to meeting?

      If you have spent no more than a month together, then you are still little more than acquaintances. Think about this, and about why you have settled for such an unsatisfactory relationship. Do you prefer distance for some reason? If not you would be unwise let an unsatisfactory long-distance relationship drift on indefinitely.

    2. Just let him go, you cheated and his is a stranger to you now, Move on. As a veteran myself I wouldn’t forgive you. If you had been an adult and told your man you were lacking physically and modified the agreement of your relationship, you wouldn’t be in this situation. Next time if you are in a relationship that will have a period of long distance, open your relationship. Clearly you need physical touch, someone there to comfort you and you aren’t capable of surpressing that desire. Don’t deny yourself, accept reality. Most men if you show them how important they are and how much they matter to you, can accept a things such as you being sexual with another man. When a woman gets a man to be exclusive and then cheats, pretty much no coming back. Most women are the ones who end up getting men to settle down anyway. When men cheat it’s supposedly physical, just their desires and lust consuming them, not true, its also due to lacking something emotionally. Cheating hurts for both people, men are simply less willing to forgive. When men put in most of the work to get a relationship off the ground, they give up other female options for exclusivity with you and you cheat its a massive blow. Through female privilege women have many more options of mates. When a man sacrifices his other options for you and you cheat its over. So to finish, if you end up with another man in the service communicate these details before you get serious. Tell him you can’t go long periods without male physical support and you don’t want to cheat yet you have needs. Speak up, take some ownership if you as a woman want to get this world any bit closer to being equal between sexes. Women have to be real and take ownership.

      1. It’s good to have the male view on this issue; especially one with useful advice and insight. However I would take issue with “Through female privilege women have many more options of mates.” While this can be true when women are young and the men of a similar age are still callow and immature, I don’t think you appreciate the advantage men have over the longer term. With time men’s options often increase while women’s decrease, so try not to begrudge women their time in the sun.

  9. I cheated on my boyfriend of a year and a half relationship. At the time of the incident we lived together, even have a pet cat. I had just turned 21 and started going to the bars without him due to him being only 20. After it happen things got really crazy he got super depressed and obsessive(wanting to know every detail)then going crazy in our apartment and ruining all my things and hacking my social media to post bad things on my feed, while I became scared and distant during it all . At first I told him let create some distance making him move out and making us stay friends. When he was gone I continued to go to the bars to socialize not too hook up and realized how much I hated him not being in my life and how I miss my best friend the one person who seen the good the bad and still loved me. Since the move out he told me multiple times he wanted to try things again and that he loved me but I was scared because of all the damage that had happened before and seeing him become crazy. About 2 or so weeks ago he started talking to another girl I’m ashamed to say this but I got extremely jealous 😔even though I have no right too be he deserves to be happy and ever since then I have been trying to get him back .. All communication with the other guy is off and even gave all my passcodes on my phone to my ex have been shattering him with gift and when he lets me come over to hang I do nothing but clean and cook and treat him like a king (btw he treated me like a queen and did all this for me before I broke his heart too) we also have been very sexually intimate with each other he even hung out with me on NY instead of going out or being with the other girl even when she was calling him at midnight. I don’t think they talk much but her action have me second guessing their relationship because she is still very much into him. He has told her that he is still talking to me the only problem is she’s doesn’t care and still wants him even going as so far as showing up at his house randomly when I was there.. didn’t go down too well ( she left but I was upset and he was confused he said about it all even as to why she came) this also putting confusion on him more because he has a girl rn who has done nothing wrong to him and is extremely into him while there me who he cares about but I broke his heart. But after all the situation that day he still decided to hang with me and tell me he love me instead of going to her house to explain this. he’s just scared I’m going to break his heart and that he only see it as fair if he’s allowed to talk to other girls at this time toosince I spent about 2 month at the bars going out and ended up cheating with 1 guy even though I ended things and they only lasted for a week or so. Ig I like the attention because things with my ex and I had gotten so comfortable we stayed home most the time and didn’t go out much.I just don’t know if should stick around and deal with it and hope we can move past it .. or if he’s only talking to me to mess with my heart then here in a month or two when I’m hooked he’s gunna leave me broken like I left him broken .. I love him very much I was just confused and scared because we’re young and things were moving quickly and I had that 21 single life in my mindset and I realized now that is all so stereotypical and you can find someone you truly care about at a young age .. I also have difficult time talking to him about the cheating he asks really deep question about what I exactly did with the other guy how he was in bed and then when I try to explain my self he says no I don’t wanna know and changes the subjects.. some advice is much needed he has also told me there is a 98% chance we will get back together he just need time to be free like I was he hasn’t cheated yet but has had MANY opportunity too lots of lady’s ask him to hang and he has told me multiple stores of girls trying to hook up but that he can’t get turned on by them and I’m the only one and he thinks it’s weird.. I know I deserve to get my heart broken I’m the end but I really don’t wanna be completely shattered by all this and I feel like the longer the drama goes the harder it’s gunna be and thing may end so badly we don’t end up being friend which I would really hate !!!

    1. You are both very young and therefore not yet very skilled in dealing with relationships. As a result you tend to hit out at each other and then pursue each other; very typical behavior for young people under emotional stress, but unfortunately neither is going to get you anywhere. Conflict resolution takes calmness and clarity, and neither can be achieved unless you take some time to think about your situation, and truly understand it.

      Remember, you are still learning about men and relationships. And your experiences now, good and bad, may help you one day to build a successful relationship that will last.

    2. I cheated on my boyfriend, with a girl. I don’t know what to do. I do love him so much. I guess what triggered this was because he was talking to other girls and always giving me bad words. Eventhough he did this I would still forgive him. I told him I cheated, he was calm at first but then said we should break up and that he never wants to see or hear from me again. Please help me get him back. I love and care for him so much

      1. “I guess what triggered this was because he was talking to other girls and always giving me bad words…but then said we should break up and that he never wants to see or hear from me again.”

        This is a man who appears to have given you little affection and no respect. You should try to set higher standards for the way you allow people to treat you, especially men. You could try a period of no contact and show him you can do fine without him.

  10. I cheat on my boyfriend after dating for three months and I regret more than anything but I know I’m wrong

    I didn’t tell him and just broke up with him because I don’t deserve him and I wanna tell him so bad because I know he needs the truth

    Right now we’re friends after breaking up two weeks later I think he still has feelings for me but I know they’ll go away when he finds out

    1. Well, what reason did you give him then?

      1. I didn’t really he just said ok and left

        1. You both sound as if you have a great deal of growing up to do. What made you cheat on him? Insecurity? Lust? Sheer stupidity? Try and understand why you do the things you do, and use the insight to help you become a little more mature and confident.

  11. My ex and I were having problems before i cheated on him with an ex-FWB. I regret it so much and haven’t made much of an effort to fix it and we split up 3 weeks ago. I was under so much pressure because my GPA was dropping in school and i didn’t have the heart to tell him that so that he wouldn’t get disappointed in me. he unfollowed me on all social media and refuses to talk to me. I’m scared that his whole family is influencing him to stay away from me and that he has no space to think for himself. he returned literally everything from his house back to my parents house and its been so hard. I don’t know what to do..

    1. You say you are in school. Therefore it’s reasonable to assume that this boy was never going to be your life partner; however you have lost him in a very unpleasant way. You need to ask yourself some questions. And the first is: why did you have a FWB? Was it what you really wanted, or did you hope it would turn into a real relationship?

      And why did you return to the FWB when you actually had a boyfriend? Were you still hoping the FWB would become your boyfriend? Presumably your boyfriend knew about the FWB, since you are both at school. How do you think it looked to him when you returned to the FWB?

      You also say you are having problems in school. That is a problem you can do something about, by asking for help. Do so with delay; your education is important and getting a grip on one of your problems will do wonders for your self-esteem.

  12. I cheated on my bf he found out within a week he wanted us to try and save the relationship but after few days he decided we should move in on he has been going back and forth and I’m really confused as to what he wants what do I do

    1. What have YOU done to try to save the relationship?

      You are the one at fault. Perhaps your boyfriend was expecting you to make some effort to convince him that there was some point in trying again.

  13. Ok. I’m going to be honest. And slut shamed most likely. But here it goes. Let it be a lesson, and I will try to keep you updated on my situation.

    I cheated on the man I have loved since I seen him. We are a may December relationship. From the outset, you can imagine the criticism that I faced from those around him. We met by accident. He was my brothers attorney. My mom seen it. When we finally met, it was incourt. I felt sweaty and faint. Listen, when you experience love at first sight, that is it. It is a strong hold. It still holds me. The judge seen it. Everyone noticed the sparks.

    His friends, I always faced criticism from. It affected me negatively. I would question HIM why they thought this way about me. We fought, alot. He divorced his wife after he started dating someone new, who endup leaving him. I met him 2 weeks after his 2year divorce was finalized. It was pure and organic. A year later he dumped me. The narcissism is real in attorneys. He is a “nice guy”(meaning, to everyone else he is unfailingly kind. But you get the vitriol). Nonetheless, I love him.

    We split up a year later. Like I said. It was tragic. He got with a woman he worked with and I moved on months later and got married. Had my daughter. Her father is an immigrant. I am still legally married. Why? I cannot put a good father in an unstable situation. John and I started talking again, he had long split with the girl (who I swear looked like me). We waited a year before moving in together with the agreement as soon as my exhusband gets his green card we will get married. Period.
    My being legally married played on me. My ex husband and he are remarkably friendly. To this day. A year later, My mother moved in (bad idea. Ladies. Do not let another woman come in your house and try to dominate it) and it was ok for while…
    My job is an emotional one. I lost my favorite client ever. A week before hand our fighting got so bad, my SO spit on me and wished death on my client. Said client died a week later to the day.

    I spiraled silently for months, even consuming narcotic drugs. Something I’d never imagine doing. Believe me, I’m clean and done, after my arrest in july. A OWI, get this, for suspicion of being under the influence of my prescription (which, I didn’t take and don’t even care to do). The day I injured myself is the day I cheated, in the home, he found the evidence EVERYWHERE. I had taking pills, and by golly, I don’t even remember anything else. It is so humiliating and disgusting. I’m disgusted with myself.

    Now, I gave him months of space. My stuff is still at his home though he has given me back some things. My mother, yes, is still in his home. Of course, naturally, tearing me down(I’m telling you my issues with my mother, the death of my client and the our relationship issues, coupled with all the stress of my marriage). He still sees my daughter.
    I’ve been fine for months. I’ve given him his space. I’m staying with a friend, and have really gotten myself back together (I wasn’t that bad. I was never strung out or using regulary, it’s the fact I used them) I’m going to start counseling and I am so humbled in life. I really am. I text him yesterday, as we have exchanged text, that I wanted a second chance. I know exactly the cause of my frustration, and he gave me no support at all. He provide a roof over my head.
    His relationship with my daughter is special. More than anything I have disrupted her life. She will never have a connection with another man. One of the reasons I want to get back together. I am willing to do what I must to please him…I asked for forgiveness and asked to have another chance. I let him know he can set the stipulations. One things for certain, he has not yet asked me why. I am trying to take accountability for my actions. Honestly. I do not want to shift blame. However, this has to be discussed. When I informed him that I wanted another chance, I told him I don’t want to do it again, and deal with the same routine. I can put up with alot, but I can’t put up with not being loved.

    I planted the seed. How should I proceed?

    1. You seem to have a lot of issues to deal with, of which your relationships with men are probably not, at this time, the most important. Your biggest priority is to create a good life for yourself and your daughter. This means a stable home and, for your daughter, a mother who is calm and settled; someone om whom she feels she can depend. You must realize that YOU are the most critical person in her life, and after that, her father. Get the counselling you mentioned, and try to rebuild your life, and with it, your self-esteem. If you can learn to respect yourself, you will find that respect from others will follow. You will also surprise yourself when you discover just how much you are really capable of. Don’t look to a man, any man, to provide the solutions for you. Be strong. Be brave. Be yourself.

      1. I had two boyfriends. I fell in love with the second one and he founf out about the first. I kept lying that I’d break up with the first and I never did till he got tired of the lies. Thing is I didn’t wanna hurt the first one because of how he loved me. Now iv lost the man I truly love. I feel so horrible. I miss him so badly

        1. You have treated 2 men poorly and now you are paying the price.

          If you are in love with another man, you are not doing your boyfriend any favours by staying with him. And if he is using his ‘love’ to guilt you into staying (it’s most unlikely that he doesn’t know you don’t really love him, whether or not he is admitting it to himself); then he has no right to do so. Have an honest conversation with him about all this because your relationship is going nowhere.

          Maybe the man you say you love will forgive you; maybe he won’t. But don’t expect it as a right when you have ended your relationship. Learn from this and don’t repeat your mistakes.

  14. I cheated on my boyfriend of 14 months with a coworker. I regret it deeply and i wish i hadn’t done it. The last week and the time of the two time cheating, i asked my boyfriend for some space and told him that i was unhappy. Because that’s simply what it was. I was unhappy because he wasn’t giving me the attention i wanted and the other guy was. I feel so stupid though because it could’ve been an easy fix but i can’t take it back now. it’s confusing because my ex is still continuing to talk to me here and there and he knows i want him back but continues to say he’s moving on and he can’t go back based on what happened but he’s never once said he’s done or that he’s done with me. I don’t know what to do besides give him time. I love him more than anything and I regret what happened so much. I’ve asked him if i could do anything to get him back and he said there’s nothing i can do. i can’t help but hold onto hope that maybe there’s another chance. Any advice?

    1. Did you tell your boyfriend why you were unhappy when you asked him to give you some space?

  15. I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend, and now I just wish, wish, WISH I hadn’t. I just wanted him to realize that I wasn’t with him because I didn’t have any other options. I wanted him to SHOW me he loved me as much as I loved him. Now I’m afraid I’ve ruined everything. I tried everything to get him to show he cared. But the more I tried, the more he backed away. I just don’t understand WHY he couldn’t show me he loved me. It just doesn’t make sense. In fact, the only way it DOES make sense is if he didn’t love me after all. In fact, I don’t know why I’m even writing this. The answer’s so obvious. But I want him back. Is there ANYTHING I can do to make it happen?

    1. Hi Alexandra,

      The more you advanced towards him, the more be backed away – this is SUCH a common mistake for women to make. The best way to get a man to show he loves you is not to keep demanding and/or giving in order to get a response. It’s better to hold back a little, and give him the space to advance towards you. But now you have the added complication of your cheating, and with his friend. This gives him the perfect excuse to walk away, if that’s what he wants. You will have to give him time to decide, and while he does you need to give him space as well, and stop trying to force things to be as you want. Showing him you understand your mistakes without demanding anything from him is the first step to regaining his respect. I’m afraid it will take time, so don’t put your life on hold waiting for him to come back.

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