So your boyfriend cheated on you, but you still love him, and you’re wondering if you can forgive him. But perhaps that’s the wrong question. Maybe what you should be asking is “Should you forgive him?”
Should you forgive him indeed! That’s a very big question. If your boyfriend cheated on you, then perhaps you would be better off without him. You must think about it very carefully before you decide whether it’s right for you to try to get him back.
CAN you get him back when your boyfriend cheated on you?
Certainly – perhaps too easily at times. And this thought should make you cautious. Why did he cheat? And if your boyfriend cheated on you once, how likely is he to do it again?
Why Do Men Cheat?
The most common reason men cheat is because the opportunity presented itself. Often it’s not much more complicated than that. This is not to excuse his behavior, but unfortunately some men are not inclined or strong enough to resist temptation.
In these cases, it’s your choice as whether or not you feel you can forgive him. If your boyfriend cheated on you just because the opportunity was there then he is quite likely to do so again; but he probably doesn’t see it as having any bearing on his relationship.
This is the man who tells his woman “Honestly, it was nothing. It was just sex. It has nothing to do with our relationship, or how much I love you”.
And for him it’s probably true.
A woman has every right to demand fidelity in a committed relationship, and to expect to get it. But many men find it easy to split sex off from their emotions, and they use this dichotomy to justify their lapses. And to him, it may sound almost reasonable.
But really he just isn’t strong minded enough, or of sufficient character, or committed enough, to resist temptation.
But there are other, more dangerous reasons why men cheat.
Their sex life with their wife or girlfriend is boring and unfulfilling – or non-existent
That women lose interest in sex at some point in a long relationship has become a cliché. If it happens, then whatever the reason for it, some men may see it as a justification to look for sex elsewhere.
He can’t resist the challenge
Some men just feel empowered by “scoring”.
He thinks he can get away with it
Both men and women admit that they are more inclined to cheat if they believe they won’t be found out.
It gives him an ego boost
All men love to know that women desire them and want to sleep with them. And when they have spent time in a long-term relationship, they like to return to the field occasionally for confirmation that they still have what it takes.
The opportunity presented itself
This was Michael Douglas’s excuse in Fatal Attraction, a choice he certainly came to regret. The brutal truth is that sexual opportunity presents itself to women far more often than it does to men, which is possibly why we find it easier to say no. Carpe diem, as they say in man-land.
The gloss has long since left the mirror, so to speak
Cheating can be an escape from an unhappy or unsatisfactory relationship – for both sexes. A man can travel a surprisingly long way on the fact that being in a relationship means he is getting some reasonably regular sex. But eventually he will wake up to the fact that he is shacked up with a woman who bores or irritates him; or who he doesn’t really like that much. And at that point either the relationship will start to fall apart, or he will spend the rest of his life saying “Yes, dear”.
Women let them get away with it
Statistics show that women are far more likely than men to forgive an unfaithful partner and stay with him. He’s talked his way out of it before. So why resist?
You don’t turn him on any more
Some women stop trying when they think they’ve safely landed their man. But a man minds very much when a woman no longer makes an effort to look good for him. It makes him feel short-changed and unappreciated, and things go downhill from there.
He just doesn’t care any more
If he’s really fallen out of love with you, then there’s not much to prevent him from looking and straying elsewhere. But he might not want to go through the aggro of actually breaking up. So he embarks on an unofficial separation.
Unless it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, cheating is always a sign that something is wrong, either with your relationship or with your boyfriend. You need to know which, so that you can decide whether you should try to solve the problem.
Your Boyfriend Cheated On You – Is He Worth Getting Back?
Before you do anything about reviving your relationship, you need to be sure that it is really what you want. So you need to take some time alone so that you can think and heal – you’ve probably heard this called No Contact. To find out all about No Contact and the ways it can (and can’t) help you, visit this page).
It’s important to think about why he cheated; as this will be a good indicator of how likely he is to cheat again. Habitual cheaters usually have certain personality traits in common.
- Narcissism – much more in love with himself than he will ever be with anyone else.
- Selfishness – someone who only thinks about himself.
- A shameless flirt – if he can never pass up a pretty woman without paying her marked attention even though he is with you, then this is a big red flag.
- A habitual liar – you’ve already caught him out in so many lies that you can’t believe a word he says.
- Suspicious and distrustful – people often judge others by themselves. So as he knows that he can’t be trusted, he assumes you can’t either.
- He has cheated before – you can forgive a mistake, but not when it’s become a habit.
When you boyfriend cheated on you, he was in the wrong. Even he can’t escape that, so see how he reacts to the no contact period.
A man who made a mistake that he regrets and wants to put right will be contrite and eager to regain your trust. A man who doesn’t care may try to blame you for his lapse, and tell you to forget about it as it’s not important.
Bu What About YOU?
A horrible thing has happened to you and the shine has gone from your relationship. But the shine goes from most relationships sooner or later, and if your relationship is serious and committed and of some duration (i.e. at least a year), then you have created something that to you at least is worth preserving. So what should you do?
If your boyfriend has made a stupid mistake for the first time, you can probably find it in your heart to forgive him. Your main fear is that by forgiving him once he might feel empowered to do something like this again. Suppose you forgive him now, and then find yourself in the same boat next week or next month or next year? Where do you then draw the line?
Only you can decide that, because in the end it must be your decision (go here for more about forgiving a cheater). You can forgive him now while making it clear that you won’t forgive him again, but will he believe you? And will you really not forgive him again? It might be easier for you to end it now rather than start a habit you might find it hard to break.
Your Boyfriend Cheated On You, So Use Jealousy to Your OWN Advantage
Deliberately making your boyfriend jealous is usually a bad idea. But after your boyfriend cheated on you, it can be a powerful tool for turning the tables on him.
However you need to be subtle.
Read the article on “Should You Date Others to Make Your Ex Jealous?” to find out more about some of the pitfalls involved. Nevertheless, after you boyfriend cheated on you it may be time to show him something about jealousy.
You don’t have to go out and actually start dating someone new. Rather you should let your boyfriend know that you have other options too. But you must not be too obvious about it, because you don’t want him to see it as an attempt to get back at him. This will only make you look desperate, when really you want to establish your social value in his eyes.
A woman is always more attractive to a man when he knows that other men want her too.
This is where you can make use of social media.
Use your Facebook profile to show your ex and the rest of the world what a great time you’re having. Every time you go out in a mixed group of people, take pictures that you can put up on your Facebook wall.
These pictures should be “innocent” ones of you having fun with a crowd of guys.
You don’t want it to look as if you are actually dating one or more of them. You just want to put the idea in your boyfriend’s mind that you have that opportunity, and that you could be – soon, if not right now.
All you are trying to do is paint a picture that says ‘This is my life now, and it’s great!’
But don’t go too far…
It’s crucial not to go overboard and make it look as if you are deliberately trying to make him jealous. He just needs to see you having fun with other men. He will soon get the message.
Don’t underestimate how possessive men feel about their girlfriends. What was fine for him will be quite otherwise for you, and seeing you enjoying yourself with other men will really get under his skin.
It’s not unknown for men to go on checking out their ex girlfriends’ profiles for years after they broke up with them, so he will certainly be looking at yours. (For more about how to optimize your Facebook profile to get your boyfriend back, visit this page).
If you think that you CAN forgive him, and that getting him back is the right thing for you, then visit this page for all the details of how to do it.
For the ultimate “get your ex boyfriend back” guide, your need The Ex Boyfriend Guide, which will tell everything you need to know about breakups and how to mend them. To find out more about it, click the link below.